Yours 

Hummmmmm

I love making your cock stir Sir,  making it hard and pleasing it. 

 I love thinking of my hand around your wonderfully curved cock, stroking the base while licking that tasty head until you grab my hair and rape my mouth. 

I want to feel your head slowly begging entrance to the back of my throat until you hold my head still and take me! 

Crave hearing your voice telling me you own me as your hands are deep in my hair and your cum is shooting down my throat Maestre. 

I  want to “go to church” and worship your cock until you tell me to stop so you can bend me over and fuck me like the nasty cunt I am for you. 

Quiet nigbt

I am sitting here relaxing with Bf’s kitty watching TV. Been up here 4 nights and we are becoming quite the cuddle buddies. 

I am so happy bf is getting to have time away with his other ladies. 

This has also been down time for me, time to think and understand what I want in my life.

 I used to think I needed so much to to be happy in my life, but during this time with very little contact, I had to take a hard look at want vs need in my life. 

It is hard having a little side sometimes, there is that side of me that craves reassurance way too much. I used to think I needed it to be ok,  parts me of still do, but this week showed me that I can be ok without it all of the time. 

It hurts not having contact with the man I love, but it is so nice to know that it won’t be forever. 

I did all of my required exercises, walked my required steps, ate healthy food. At first, I thought I was doing  them all for him, for his approval, for that “good girl I am proud of you” that gives me that reassurance I crave, but I have realized that – while I love those things so much, I love feeling the changes in my body and increassd energy as well. 

Larry dumping me like garbage last year at this time taught me I don’t need to have just any man in my life, but falling in love and getting g to serve Maestre, showed me that I wish to live with this special man in my life.  I want to have him in my life. I want to have his love in my life. 

I am sure right now he has his hands full, so doesn’t need my little side begging for attention too when it is finally their time, I have never done the full time poly life so am learning so much about myself and what a strong gorgeous woman I am

I so cant wait for our time too. 

So proud. 

This time last yr I was about 420, ok so I still like the 420 this yr too – but last yr it was pounds. I was sleeping with/totally intwined with a married man who I thought had his wife’s blessing and believed he loved me, and so so insecure that a week vacation would have had me spinning. 

This year I have a kick ass job that I love. I have an amazing geekard of a boyfriend that I love and who really does love me, I am following directions!!! And last time I stepped on a scale, I was under 380 lbs. 

I still struggle with anxiety, but with lots of friends and my Maestre, I can feel those feelings, honor them, and then work thro them!!! 

 Yesterday I felt so alone, realizing it was because I cut back on messaging him while he is on his vacation and that felt like I had cut my own heart out plus made me feel alone.

Today is a much better day! I guess cuddling with kitty cats will do that 🙂 

Breakfast today- spinach and feta wrap with egg white 

aAnd yummy lunch– turkey and tators

Day 2 of healthy eating while Maestre is away

Today was a good day for food I stuck to my diet really well I also have over 4000 steps in close to 4400. 

I am so proud of myself that I’m sticking with this even though I can’t share the pictures with him this week but I know that he’s going to look on here and,I know he will be proud of his girl,  I’m proud of me that’s for sure!!! 

So dinner is over and it’s about time to do some leg exercises right now I am up to 8 double leg lifts 15 single wig loose and 15 leg lifts to the side not to mention my stretching exercises 

it’s been a really good day and that little message this morning saying hi made my heart soar. 

Oatmeal and fruit for bfast!!! 

A big turkey breast and spinach salad!!!! 

Yummmmy beef and vegetables. 

Food diary day one pics 

So boyfriend,(my Maestre 💖), and I are working on myself improvement and every day I send him pics of two healthy meals I must eat. 

He is out of town this week with his beauty and his beloved so I thought I would start the daily postings here for him to see. 

Hummm breakfast – yeap the fruit and protein smoothie!!!! (wish his cream was my protein lol) 

Lunch… Yeap a spinach salad with extra veggies and veggies 

And my steps today– 4135 🙂 

Just a little twisted up at times. 

We are known to  constantly second guess ourselves, distrust our own instincts, over analyze every word said (and unsaid)( Huh Dev?) not see our own worth, cut ourselves down as a joke, and never take a compliment.  

It is not because I want to be that way, I truly do not. 

I always fought not to be seen as a victim of my past, it is what it is, but I find myself in love with a truly amazing man and walls have came down, allowing him all the way in, and quite a bit of all these feelings are rushing back  demanding they be faced and destroyed. 

And I am doing it, not because I love him but because I love me.  Because I deserve being loved by him, by others, but mostly by myself above all.

 Thank you for being patient with me and my growth Maestre.