Whorehouse

Ma’am Straw had one of the best whore houses in town, all of her ladies were clean and very well skilled in the art of pleasure, any sort of pleasure a man may seek,  he could find it there. 

She always made sure to stock her house with only the finest. The finest food, the finest liquor, but most of all- the finest ladies.  She had a few thinner ladies for the men that enjoyed that, but mostly her ladies were large and cruvier than the average brothel girls. You see, her cliental had particular “tastes” that usually they could only fulfill at M’straw’s place. 

Abel was a kinky bastard. He like to grab a girl hard and leave her breathless and bruised. He was no stranger to walking out of the house with a bit of blood on his hands. He knew just the lady he wanted and made sure to always have her. 

Jackson was very intelligent, he got off on talking to the girl until they were both ready to pop and then making love with her quietly until they did! He was always so punctual, came to the house every week at the same time. He knew exactly with whom he wished to spend time with and always made sure to have her. 

Charles was a refined gentleman. He lavished his chosen lady in fine silks and pearls. He loved the seductive side of life and made sure that each stroke of his fingertips left trails of goosebumps down his lady’s skin. He loved to say soft romantic into her ear as he slowly slid inside of her body. 

Happy was the fun loving, joyful son of a farmer man. He worked hard and liked to enjoy his time away at the house curled up in the arms of his sukibear. They laughed and played throughout their romps and one would wonder if sometimes they didn’t cum by laughing together. 

One thing that these men had in common,  besides all loving the same whore house, is that late in the evening after they had spent their energies with their chosen ladies they would lay their head down and listen for the sounds of the other men. 

Jackson could hear Happy laughing that deep belly laugh as he quietly made love to his lady. He wondered what it would be like to have so much fun while doing it. 

Charles could hear Abel’s strap slapping down hard on his whore:s ass. He could hear the sounds of groans and whimpers, moans and screams as he looked down at his lovely’s closed eyes and wondered how beautiful they would look tear stained. 

It  was late in the late in the night, all the guys were leaving when Happy caught up with Jackson.  Happy asked Jackson what it was like to be in such a quiet room while he was fucking his whore, if it was as good as it sounded.?

 Jackson was taking back for a moment and then asked Happy, “what do you mean?  I hear you when you’re in there with your whore and you have so much fun.  you laugh, you even make her giggle.”  Happy just looked at him and said, “Yes, but just once I wonder what it would be like to just be quiet and enjoy the moment. What would it be like to just carry on a wonderful conversation. I may be happy-go-lucky farmer man but I read every night and I would love to be able to have an indept conversation with a beautiful woman”. 

Charles was coming out of his whore’s room just as Abel was walking out of his. They looked at each other and nodded as they passed and then Abel turned around and said “Charles, please forgive any intrusion but I just have to ask, is your whore as elegant in bed as she is out? I am sure her glowing soft skin must be a pure treasure to get to touch when you’re pleasing her.” 

 Charles just turned around and looked it with him with a shocked look! “Are you crazy, my good man? You have got a whore that equals no other in giving pleasure while receiving pain, why would you want to even want to know what it would be like to be with a woman who slides her eyes shut and never looks at you the whole night?”  

The men decided then and there that tomorrow night they would switch things up and they would try to lighten up a little bit by going after something new. 

Ma’am just smiled when she heard this and figured she might as well worn her girls what was yet to come their ways. 

To be continued 

PunchesĀ 

They come in so many forms and this week had plenty! 

This week started off so damn amazing! I love laughing and giggling over silly things with the boyfriend and then being put on my knees and getting to be his slutty submissive. 

Gods I had the most amazing time. Even got tucked into bed with the sweetest kiss.  Swoon lol lol 

Punch #1 to the brain – editedt- we talked this all the way out and it is done, we are all good. 

B) I can understand the request I can understand where it’s coming from and I do respect that 100%.

Punch #2 to the heart- 8 years, 1 year, and 1 message. We were together- he and I- as man and mistress for over 8 years. We had so much fun and I knew my place, I was never a threat even though I loved him.  Last year she found out and I was dumped off along side of the roadlike an unwanted puppy. I hurt so badly but D and his pet pushed me to work on me, get to know me, start to love me again. Then boyfriend and I went out for coffee, I was smitten right away, fell in love again and faced the one year anniversary of the last time L and I saw each other together by making amazing new memories!!!! God’s I so love making sundaes!!!! 

This week he changed his number and messaged me from the new one. It was like a punch in the tummy. I cried, told bf, answered ex back to say I was not interested, and then he used an old number to tell me he was just checking on me, didn’t want to see me again. That opened up a whole lot of crap in my brain to deal with. 

Punch #3- time for the body now I guess, I got my first ever yeast infection!!!!  I have worked so hard to avoid these cuz my old best friend used to get them and always so sick. I used to think she was just trying to get attention… Nope I was wrong. This is hell.  

I feel like I have been cunt punched and that is on my hard limit list (at least for right now). I would much rather have my ass cheeks punched! 

Thank goodness for science and doctors that know how to use it cuz this medicine rocks and I am start to feel better – but owie. This sucks!!! 

 I can’t wait to feel back to myself.!! And Hummm that light cunt punch might have to be thought about… 

Tamed

Did you know that that gorgeous submissive with the sweet little side that is begging to give herself to you really is like a wild wild horse? 

Not that she needs to be broken and tamed, although this submissive does crave that, no you see- she needs to know where the fences are, where the valleys are, where they can run wild and still feel safe.

Just watch her when you touch her, see that spark that starts in her eyes
and before long you can feel it radiating through out her whole body.

When you bend down to bite her neck and tell her that no matter what she does or what she craves- she is yours. 

You take pleasure in watching what happens to her eyes. How they gloss over and slide shut when she is hitting that moment of pleasure where you can ask anything of her and she will do it with extreme passion.

Have you ever seen a horse that feels secure run? The way they know that they can go as far as they want and yet they can be safe. How free they feel when they know they can be held back from going too far and losing control while running wild and they know that there is a stronger force that is watching over them?

That is what your sweet submissive is showing you when you see her eyes roll shut and then she looks at you like you are the angel among high. She is starting her run and she knows that you will be there to guide her as she lets her wild nature take over.

She also trusts that you are going to be there to hold her as you walk her through her cool down/come down. She knows that you are going to be there to giggle with her little side when it comes out and takes over wanting to be a special treat.

Do you every wonder why a well trained horse can go from a wild running mare into the best trained ride you have ever had? Why that pretty submissive can go from a giggling silly girl to the hard fucking tramp that you love to fuck?

It is because they know where the rules are when they don’t need them and that  those rules won’t change when they do.

They know that their owner is proud of them and, while he may not always say it, he shows it and he expects them to do as he says without having to say it twice.

Show them that there are expectations and they will both do whatever they can to meet them, but treat them like just another horse in the field of many – that their need to understand why isn’t valid and they will start to wonder if they are valid, even if they know that they are. They just want to have that connection with you while in your strong arms to reconnect with their inner side as well.

That is  when the tame side of a horse and the child like side of the little you love begging you to wait, begging you to let them hold on to you just a little longer until that storm inside of them passes and then they look at you, smile at you, and you know they get it- they see the fences and they are home.

Words for the last two weeks

Angry– for no rhythm or reason, just am. Don’t wanna adult today. I just want to stay in bed. 

 Tired – woke up in the middle of a dream where I was being made love to by handsome boyfriend due to toddler having a nightmare. 3 am is way too early. 

sad – my friend’s grandmother passed away today, she was in her 80’s and got cancer. I feel sad for the pain my friend is feeling and sad because I never had a grandma’s love.  My grandbaby will never ever question my love for her. 

 happy– big happy moments, going for long walks and making it! Being loved and giving love today. So many things 

secure – sure,  we joke around about him leaving me in 6 more months, but I know that just means I have 6 more months to bug the hell out of him and love him!   I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I know that I have a good chance of survival.  

When he wraps his hands around my throat, I know I can trust him to keep me safe. When his teeth are sinking into my skin, I know I am his.  He is ours but I am his submissive slut. 

Loved – I know I’m loved by my family and I know I’m loved by my friends. Deep in my heart that I’m loved by my partner.  it’s the little things that he does that shows me he loves me. He doesn’t always have to say it,  although that feels good too. 

He works so hard to keep things equal and I’m very very happy about that, and the way he says “never the same but always equal”  just really says something to my heart about what Poly should be. 

Sometimes I worry though that I’m too much of a handful with my insecurity issues and little side or that I’m boring, so I just have to remember to be myself

Lonely–  I felt this way a couple times,  I guess it’s normal to just feel like you want to be cuddled up in bed and held.

 Funny, I look at the way my life has changed in the last 6 months and sometimes I wonder if I’m really meant to be what I am right now and I think so. 

 All I know is that I need to start expressing myself more and not be so damn needy sometimes.

Censored – okay,  this is a big one and kind of touchy. When I first started writing this blog I was nervous about what to say and about putting my partner in here because he has his own blog (which is pretty awesome)  and he has a life. 

I was told that he would never censor anything I wanted to say.  I could say whatever I wanted to say here and it was safe. I don’t know if I feel that way, but that is just my feeling right now and I will deal with it cuz that is what I do best šŸ™‚ 

Wanted/ Excited /Strong  all those very good feels he and my life gives me every day!!!! 

Hugs and cuddles please. 

TemptedĀ 

So funny thing is, boyfriend wrote a blog last week about different forms of temptations and what we give up as people. I loved it, it was very good.  And yet it reminded me that sometimes,  I am not really true about honoring myself  or follow through. 

Today I got a message from a number I did not recognize.  Just a simple hello,

 I answered back and asked who it was, found out it was from the man that I spent almost 9 years with, one that would text good morning every morning for all of those years, except that doesn’t happen any longer and hasn’t for the past year. 

I remember the first morning that that didn’t happen again, April 21st last yr. We had just seen each other at the hotel in Seattle and I woke up waiting for that text. It never came.

A few days later I got that hello text, turns out his wife caught him coming home that night and he needed to break us off to save them. He said all kinds of things, but all that I heard was-  I don’t need you anymore” of course the standard “,God I want a blow job was there too” 

He never texted without it, but that is what our relationship was based on and we both enjoyed it oh so very much and sometimes I miss it. 

I explained that I am in a relationship with a wonderful man and that I just couldn’t go back to where I was before. I can’t and I won’t. 

But, I was so tempted to because I could lose myself, I… 

Fuck I just won’t even if I want to. I am in love and I deserve love, I deserve to be cared for. I deserve to have the man I truly love grab me and say “mine”.

 I deserve to be happy and going back there will not put me into a place to be happy.  

Chris Cornell and suicideĀ 

I’ve been thinking about Chris’s death lately and,  while we will never know for sure all of the reasons why,  I have to say I really agree with his family about the meds he was on maybe having some influence on his decision to end it all. 

Having depression is really hard at times, it’s hard to explain to somebody how one day you can feel wonderful the next day you don’t feel like you’re worth anything in the world, even though you know you are. 

It’s hard to hear people say “pull up your bootstraps”  “just do it”  “you got this”  when all you can think is that you’re  just a burden.

 To those people who used to part of my life and who used to say those things (and when I would try to tell them that has nothing to do with putting on those pants or those boots– they would just say while I’m doing tough love on you)  what have to say to you is  f*** you and I say that very politely. 

I remember when I used to go to counseling and they put me on Paxil, I had the most wid dreams. Dreams like being on PCP. God help you if you forget one day of your pill because it’s amazing if you don’t drive off a cliff wondering what the hell you’re doing and why are you still here. 

After playing with doses and amounts, they changed me to a different antidepressant, oh this one was a killer. If I wasn’t angry,  I was crying. If I wasn’t crying,  I was laying in bed wondering why I wasn’t crying. 

There was no way I’d have sex while on it, hell I didn’t even know I was a woman any longer. I had no cravings what so ever ( no, Dev, I can’t get back on that, you will just have to suffer with me wanting your body all of the time) and that killed me. 

I realized that – if you took it for 3 days and then skipped it for 2 and took it for 3 more, it was just like you were on coke!  My son called me out on that one, that I was relapsing by abusing my medicine that way. 

 I stop taking it cold turkey and within a week I felt like me again I felt normal, I was laughing but yet the doctor still needed to make sure that I was okay because I was not dealing with my depression the way I should have been dealing with it

In walked lithium. Oh the doctors liked that one. So did my desire to be numb. It was like committing suicide without having to commit suicide.  I just had to sit and float because that’s all I did on it. I lost the best job I ever had in my entire life up until the one I have now due to being so brain dead. 

 I was doing so many risky things with my life (I am so lucky that I was never raped or killed by a nameless man) and really fucked my life up for a while that I begged to just stop. 

I got off of all meds but weed, there still days sometimes I cry a lot and there’s some days I laugh a lot but I’m alive today and that’s what counts

 Yea,  I still have anxiety.  Yeah,  I still get depressed sometimes and if I could find a doctor that knew how to give me the correct medicine that could take care of me I would probably go back on to help with the anxiety, but talking, journaling, working through issues are helping so much more than the wrong meds. 

I just feel so bad for his kids because I know what it is like to grow up with a father that killed himself. 

That is one of the many many reasons I am glad I was so good at failing back during those days of trail and error and did not succeed,  because I never want my kids to have to grow up with that doubt that they were never good enough to stay around for. 

AbortionĀ 

Such a touchy subject and one that is touching my family yet again,  but this time closer than just my cousin. 

My cousin had Scarlett fever when she was little, she lived but with a hole in her heart. When she got pregnant, the doctor told her to choose-her life or the baby’s and that is if she was even able to carry to term. She made the best choice possible and now thanks to having that hole repaired, has three beautiful girls. 

I thank the powers that be that that choice was available and legal. I hate to think about all the lifes through history that were lost because it wasn’t. 

This time it isn’t my cousin. This time it is my daughter. She has a loving husband, a great job, a beautiful smart little girl. She has a tiny fetus growing in her that 1) could harm her body (1st baby almost destroyed her back) . 2) that could kill her. 3) that,  even if none of those two happen, they are so not in a place for a second child nor do they want one. 

They used birth control due to all of those facts and I am so proud of their wise thinking. I know some may not agree with their choice and that it ok. Not asking for you to agree, just asking for that shoulder to lean that I hope is still there. 

I worry my little girl is going to hurt, both physically and emotionally and there won’t be anything I can do to help her, besides be there for her to lean on and lately it feels like she doesn’t really need me there for that. She has her hubby now, she doesn’t need her mommy any more, or so how it feels lately. Feels that way alot in my life lately and I don’t know how to make it better. 

So, life changes. Life goes on or it doesn’t, that is just a fact of life as we live it today. 

I just feel so alone today (even tho I know I am loved and wanted in all aspects of my life)  All I want to do is cry today and be held. I really miss being held tight in his arms and being cuddled. And.. I am scared. 

Scared for my child that she even has to face this life changing decision and worried about saying the wrong thing and upsetting her. 

I worry so much about upsetting people and them leaving me that I say nothing and they do. 

But such is life. Time to stop worrying and just keep on living and being there for my child no matter what!!!!