The toy 

I am no stranger to toy stores, sex toy stores. I’ve been in them before, I’ve been in the alone,  I’ve been in with friends, I  have had  fun in them looking around and exploring,  finding another new toy I’d like to try out someday.
So when he said we were going to the store to find a cute butt plug for me,  I was excited with a touch of nerves.
Walking in, I felt so sexy and why wouldnt I? I was there with the handsomest man in the place! We got looking at toys, and something changed in me and i dont understand why.
Maybe because this is truely my 1st experience being truly poly and not just “a friend you and your wife like to play with at the same time”, I don’t really know where these feeling came from but instead of speaking up and dealing with them, I walked away and sperated him from helping me deal with them also.

It seemed like every toy I touched or talked about trying, either #1 or #2 already has or has had experienced, I started feeling like there was no way I could be part with them because I do not have their experience. I have alot of sexual experience, too much I feel some times, but I don’t have their experience with relationships. The tipping point was when I had to admit to myself (and him) there was a reason I don’t have lots and that was because I never had anyone to play with them with me due to my choices.

Larry and iI were together for over 8 yrs and most of that consisted of park visits, hot tub vists, hotel and his house visits to have sex, conversation was not important or had time for. I am not a victim!!! Those were my choices to go with also..

 I just wish i could have told handsome how I was feeling and that I wanted to feel special too,  but he knew it- he knew it right away when i started shutting down, and he pulled my ass right out if it!!

Standing there in the store kissing me and making me say that i was worth so much, that was a 1st and i really needed (need) that in my life! 

We got a cute little butt toy that is just mine, it is our special toy and just ours 🙂 

 The fun we had with that toy was beyond words, and that is a story for next time beceasue it was amazing over and over again. 

But this is the moment that I needed to face facts,  that I may not have as much experience as the others, I may not be as special as they are in his life right now;however, I am damn special!!!

  I am me and I  am sexy, desired, and wanted.  It is time I own that beautiful part of me and enjoy every minute of it!!!

I am special to him in my own way, just like he is to me, and I so look forward to seeing where this is growning more and more every day 🙂

Ps – that toy is amazing!!! Had me begging for more more more.


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