Run….. I love you. 

Funny how much those words sound the same in my head.

You see, i can tell my family and friends that I love them and I truely do! I love then in so many different ways but they are all so special to me.

I can count on one hand how many men I have told I love them (other than my son and the guys in my family that is)  I dont even need a hand!

1- I did love him, part of my heart still does. He never said he loved me until I walked away, when I came back, those words went a way. If he loved me, why was it so easy to just walk away and never even say sorry? Never look back other to text a few times asking for a bj? Still a bit raw I guess, but as we are coming up on a year without him in my life- it isnt so painful as it was.

2- he quieted my soul. We would sit and watch movies, he would make me food. I thought it was because he loved me- found out later it was because he wanted me to eat once a day and lose this weight. I think I was looking for a love that was lost and he was there needing me to help pay the bills and pretent he was my master.

4- I only said it once to him and it was never said back in words but it was in actions. We shoped toghether, he took me to get nails done. We talked- truely talked. He smiled and lit up the room when he saw me.  It was the day he told me he had cancer and was going back to his ex. That was the day i said it and he said me too, but you deserve better, you are worth more. Those words broke my heart. The last time I said it was after we hung up the phone after telling me he was done fighting. I will always love him and thank him for showing how I should be treated.

4- this one. This one amazes me. It didnt see him coming and he is an amazing man. I adore him I adore who I am around him.  He said it 1st, and part of me questions if he said it because he as a medical scare and pnce he finds out it is ok, he will take it back. But that is on him and I do, I do love him. Sometimes I wonder if rhe other shoe will hurt when it falls – but I don’t care, I like some pain, and it is so worth it to see him smile and feel him kiss me. I do so love him and so happy to say it. Heck, i even have our pic together at zoo lights up on my cube wall at work!!!

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Author: gorgeousbiggirl

Exploring and enjoying life

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