Quiet nigbt

I am sitting here relaxing with Bf’s kitty watching TV. Been up here 4 nights and we are becoming quite the cuddle buddies. 

I am so happy bf is getting to have time away with his other ladies. 

This has also been down time for me, time to think and understand what I want in my life.

 I used to think I needed so much to to be happy in my life, but during this time with very little contact, I had to take a hard look at want vs need in my life. 

It is hard having a little side sometimes, there is that side of me that craves reassurance way too much. I used to think I needed it to be ok,  parts me of still do, but this week showed me that I can be ok without it all of the time. 

It hurts not having contact with the man I love, but it is so nice to know that it won’t be forever. 

I did all of my required exercises, walked my required steps, ate healthy food. At first, I thought I was doing  them all for him, for his approval, for that “good girl I am proud of you” that gives me that reassurance I crave, but I have realized that – while I love those things so much, I love feeling the changes in my body and increassd energy as well. 

Larry dumping me like garbage last year at this time taught me I don’t need to have just any man in my life, but falling in love and getting g to serve Maestre, showed me that I wish to live with this special man in my life.  I want to have him in my life. I want to have his love in my life. 

I am sure right now he has his hands full, so doesn’t need my little side begging for attention too when it is finally their time, I have never done the full time poly life so am learning so much about myself and what a strong gorgeous woman I am

I so cant wait for our time too. 


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