So, I went back to my phone job the other night, It was really nice being back. I really did miss it; however, I also realized I had forgot how much work it is, mostly mentally.
I am there to please and that need changes from one call to the next, but what stays the same is that craving to be held after it. The want to hear that I am special to someone and that I am loved. I have some pretty intense calls at times and I don’t believe in faking my tone/voice/body reactions, but along with that all comes the brain and emotional reactions.
I know that I am loved and special to my family and my boyfriend because they show me every day, but after spending am hour plus on the phone hearing about/and talking about what a worthless whore of a tramp you are (on a call to get him off), even through you know that is not true, you still crave to hear the words I love you, I want you. Not the phone girl but you.
Believe me, I am not complaining. I am not bitching, I chose to go back to this job because the pay can be very good, the calls can be fun.
But this week I realized just how much I wish I could not go home to be alone in my bed after some of those calls.
I kept messaging my guy all week about being wanting to held and it wasn’t until he said it bothered him, that I took a moment to see why I felt so needy.
I go back this weekend to rock the phones and I know in advance that one of the calls is gonna put me in subspace (because it always does) so this time I am hoping to be prepared for the drop a few days later. I have a soft Blankie on my bed and will allow sometime this weeend/week for self care.
My guy jokes that after a good hard screaming moaning climax I go into little space and wanna be all mushy, held and then sleep. This is very true, so hence the sofy Blankie on my bed for when I get home. Will also talk to him about this on date night this week when we have more time together 🙂
Steps for selfcare and to be a fucking hot chick are awesome!!!!!