Way personal

Ok so warning.. This blog is going to be very personal about me, my body and my boyfriend/Master Maestre.  If you are still reading this you are doing so at your own risk of getting way too much information. 

I have insecurity issues. I so wish I did not. I know that I worry too damn much and that it drives our guy crazy so I try my best, but alot of the time I fail. 

Last night was one of those times and I am so fucking done letting my Ex’s beliefs about my body influence this relationship or myself any longer. 

Yes I have a smell, I don’t know why… Maybe diet, maybe just how I am, but I know that I must drink alot of water to balance out the ph levels in my body.  So I do! 

For the longest time I was so worried about this, even last time while on date nite with Maestre. 

I don’t know how many times he has to say that yes it can be stronger but that he likes it so just shut up. Last night hearing him say that while was he was slapping my face really drove it home. 

This is me, this is how I am and I can make changes to me but there is always going  to be that part of me. 

I love my life right now and can only see even great things coming up in my future, so why the hell am I screwing great things up by constantly asking for reassurance???? 

Because I need it, I need to hear the words sometimes to shut off the thoughts in my head. I need that hug to show you want to be close to me. 

To remind me I am not a bother but an equally wanted person when I doubt my value. He never makes me doubt my value, it is I that does that and no more. I know how to open my mouth and ask for what I would let to have. 

Now…. Back to the smutty side of life because boy, do I have some stories to tell about my 1st night back on the phones!!!! 


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