RIP Papi,

Daddy — Daddy Dom– DDlg

So many words for a man that chooses to care and love a woman so much that she is free to let her inner young spirit out to be free, safely.

He is his babygirl’s number one fan and ultimate confidant. He praises her for trying new things, even when she is so scared to do so. His eyes light up when she walks in the room and believes in her no matter what.

He is her teacher and protector. She knows that when she needs to curl up in his arms and just be, he is right there arms wide open waiting. She knows she is safe to reach out and do new things because pity the person who messes with his girl.

He loves to take his babygirl to places she has never been before, do things she has never done before, and loves to hear her beg him for more. he loves to deflower her both sexually as well as expose her to new adventures.

Daddy is her guide, her adviser, her disciplinarian when needed, but most of all he is her Anchor. He is an unyielding, unmovable anchor in the storm. No matter what happens in the girl’s life, she knows her Daddy will be right there where he has always been, and she can hold onto that even if she is blinded by her own tears. Daddies know the storm will pass, and she will be safe, but she needs something to hold onto that will not move.

Today I found out the man who was my original Daddy,  my always Papi,  passed away. I will never make him out to be more of a person he was, he had his bad sides for sure- but I know he supported me no matter what.  He was so proud of me for leaving a verbally abusive relationship, he was proud of me for finding my career, he was proud of me for starting and staying in a Poly relationship that is good for me and advised me to always be honest no matter what.

It hurts but that is life- life comes to an end, that is part of crazy thing called life and if we are lucky- we get to find lots of love and get to share it with amazing people.  I am one of the lucky ones.


Another night

Sleep – – I miss you, you used to come so regularly and so easily. Put in a movie, sleep visited. Go to bed and after a bit of tossing and turning, I was snoring.

Now easily falling to sleep is a distant dream.

I lay here and think about things I have no control over. Or at least I don’t believe I do!.

I used the last bit of my gas today to go into work to earn money to get gas for next week. I’m just worried about how I’m going to get to work if I don’t feel like I can walk tomorrow, I’ll have to walk, which means I’ll have to leave early and I’ll have to take extra medicine.

My hip is already hurting tonight so I’m really worried- but I can do it, that’s what medicine is for.

Invited my boyfriend to come over and watch a movie or just hang out at my house for date night tomorrow night and tonight I’m sitting here worried because I’m going to have to make him just rice, because that’s all I have and will have for until Friday unless I can get to the food bank today somehow.

I hide things really well, that I’m scared about money and about food are my big ones. I did get to go food shopping this payday, but just couldn’t make it stretch.

I need to lose more weight so this will help. I can make it work, always do somehow.

I hear people that I work with talk about “hey I only have $207 for the rest of the week, better budget” and I think crap I have about $2.50 for the rest of the month and I work two jobs.

But my car is paid off this month, so that will help. I’m just hoping that I can get my water bill paid before the 25th and they shut me off, I’m not behind so it shouldn’t be a problem.

These are the things going through my mind that I can’t talk to anybody about, how can I tell people that even though I work two jobs I’m still just barely hanging on.

I guess it’s time to pick up more hours on the second job, but I am already so tired, and now that I started going to therapy, it is even harder to go to the 2nd job. The age play calls really affect me now in ways they didn’t it before, but that’s how I get a lot of my money because I’m good at it. The more taboo calls.

But everything with be alright. It always is.

Mother’s day

A day that’s supposed to be all roses and I love yous, what a lot of people don’t see are the tears of some others today.

The moms who have lost babies, the moms who have lost older children to drugs, the ladies who’s deepest desire is to carry and deliver a healthy baby.

We hear about those ladies and we feel for them, but what about the women who got to be the lucky ones? Who raised healthy kids into adulthood and they leave.

We should be happy and honored, our babies grew up and they are doing great- so why the tears today?

You see no one tells you about after. How it feels like a divorce. How you walk around a place with so many memories of doing things with these little people. Watching them learn, explore and grow.

No one tells you that getting your own life is so very important because that is what they are doing and soon the will leave home and you will be all alone again.

I am lucky, I got a beautiful card from my daughter and her family. I got a sweet message from my son and his family, I had many messages from friends on fb wishing me a happy mother’s day, and I spent it all alone wishing it wasn’t. Wishing I was doing something and yet just getting high and cleaning my house before going to sleep.

So what do I do to make sure next yr this day doesn’t remind me that my days mothering are over, now I am a mother of grown ups and grand mother.

But I really miss hanging out with my little kids and enjoying the hugs.

I miss the hugs most of all.


Today I an grateful for an amazing Meta, friend, Gf, person in my life that I can talk to, share time with, and adore each other while we both adore the man we are with.

Poly isn’t always easy and I am sure it will get a lot harder as time goes on, but I am so glad I get to share this time with another person that understands.

I have been so emotional and so needy lately and I’ve been trying to hide it really, but it came out last night and got me in trouble.

I don’t mean to behave like that and I don’t mean to cause issues.

So instead of going down that rabbit hole and spinning around being emotional and wanting people to help me, it’s time for me to pick myself up and do it myself just like I’ve always been suggested to do.

I want to know that people want me because they want me not because I want them to want me.

So got a hold of my sponsor and we’re going to be doing a gratitude list every day and we’re also going to be doing ways to improve me.

BF and I have a Wellness Plan going where I walk a lot but now it’s time to have one where I work out my own issues and a lot more fun to be around again


Ice cold steel, burning hot metal swirling together to become one while each standing on their own.

Deep breaths in, little moans out, heartbeats speeding up in sweet anticipation.

Inner whimpers on the first touch, outer moans on the second, begging for it to stop on the third, pleading for it to never to on the fourth.

Eyes slide shut in sweet pleasure as the touch continues in slow deep pressure against your skin.

The way it moves you while holding you still is beyond words, but you stay still because you don’t want to miss a thing.

The way it opens your mind and frees your soul while it binds you in place fulfills your deepest unspoken craving.

Feeding that little voice inside of your head that whispers to you.. just give in, just once more, lay back and just float while you are safe.

Sensations rush through your body like venom through your veins, the metal cools, eyes slide open, the mental cuffs come off.

Back to the real world you go but with an all new determination, new light in your eyes, cravings subside, and life moves on.



girl crush…..

So part of my phone sex job, I get to play with beautiful women. One such woman loves to write with me and I just had to share our story that we are working on together with you all.. it is starting out so hot!!

My boss saw me working late in the office, she smiled at me and asked me if I would like to stay late tonight. I looked up at her and smiled as I said yes.

That evening I walked in to her office, she smiled at me again and thanked me for staying later with her, I gave her a wicked smile and told her that I was going to sit right here on this big leather sofa of hers and wanted to see what she was wearing under her suit. Knowing her it was going to be as lovely as she is.

She walked over to stand in front of me and took off her black suit jacket and plum colored blouse, she slipped off her black heals and slide her pants down.

So beautiful, she was wearing a matching dark purple plum bra and panties, lacy black and plum garters and the softest black silk stockings. I asked her to please put her shoes back on so she slide her sexy red tipped toes back in her heels and sat down on the couch so I could start to rub her ankles.

She leaned over and kissed me softly while playing with my hair. I loved how good it felt when she touched me. She whispered in my ear that she wanted to see me, all of me so I stood up and slowly reached behind my back to unzip my black tight skirt.

I slowly let it drop to the floor, showing her my pure white lace panties and white lace thigh high stockings. I loved the way her eyes watched me as I unbuttoned my white shirt slowly, letting her get small glimpses of my tan skin and white lace bra. I love the way she took a deep breath as she saw my dark nipples under the white lace.

Smiling at her I sat back down on the leather couch and slide my fingers up her leg again to pull her feet in my lap so I could rub her calves softly.

 TO Be continued ……