Funny how life changes isn’t it? 

As I lay in this bed I can’t help but think about last night and how I wish I had been in a different bed. 

Went over to see my Daddy and his lady, a month ago this would have been a dream come true. We had dinner and watched a movie.

 She and I tucked him into bed and all three cuddled up together. It was such a pretty picture, I am sure. She with short brown hair laying in black panties and I with longer darker hair laying there in white – most men’s wet dream for sure. 

As they kissed, I curled closer to his side and ran my nails down his chest to thigh and then back up to stroke his balls. She worked her way down his chest to slide his soft cock into her mouth and he threw his head back in pleasure. 

This man has a very hard time cumming, but when I ran my nail down under his balls to press hard against the bottom of them, he started moaning and rising up to fuck her mouth. In my mind D, I was somewhere else, with someone else, I was the one going to church to worship the cock I crave. 

I sucked his nipple matching  her movements as she sucked his cock and then leaned up to his ear to talk to him. I love words, words have power and when they are said with the right tone, the the right amount of passion, they can set the mind on fire with pleasure. 

I told him how fucking hot it was to watch that fucking slut suck his cock like a starving greedy whore. 

Told him I wanted to watch him fuck that sweet mouth like a he would a tight wet cunt so I could lick every drop of his hot cum out of it.

 As I described how I would slide my wicked little tongue in the folds of her sweet cunt to hear her scream as I licked and sucked all of his cum out of her fucking pussy,  he let out a groan that quickly became a scream and he flooded her mouth with gush after gush of hot cum. 

I wish she would have shared his cum with me, but maybe that is what I needed to see to know that I truly did belong somewhere else. 

They are a couple and I was a toy, not that that is a bad thing to be but I want to be more. I am more. 

So in the famous words from Buffy, where do we go from here? I know for me, I know where I belong now and who I want to belong to. 

I don’t know if I am meant to be a mono part in this poly relationship or if someday I will join our handsome man in being fully poly, but right now- I just want to be pleasing him. 


Poly, places, moods

I do love him. I know I say it too often, but I do. And I love sharing him with beautiful ladies that truly do love him also. Just feels so right. 

This is my first truly really poly relationship and today just feeling a bit out of sorts.  “there are no places in poly” he told me last night, and woke up this am feeling a bit lost. 

You see in my family I was the unneeded one, I did my own thing, I came and went as pleased, no one asked where I was going  or had time to worry about where I had been. (not throwing a pitty fit-just making a statement), maybe that is why I love BDSM so much (besides the awesome play! And emotions) I have a place. I am a submissive (hi Maestre!) a smart caring woman,  and a little. 🙂 

With past relationships I had a place, a second/a third/a babygirl,  but never loved equally. 

He says that I am loved never the same but equally, and really that is perfect because we three are not the same ladies (how boring would that be?) we each bring  a hellva alot of great things and life to his table that is so different than each other. (I love how she has her strong eye rolls and how the other she can say “fuck you” to him!) 

 I am loved for different reasons but still loved and I am not used to this,  but craved it so badly for so long that I am worried I am going to mess up. 

I know I need to knock this shit off, that even if I mess something up-guess what, that is life and it can either be fixed or it can’t-but I can’t stop living and being me!!!! 

In my day job, I do amazing work to help families survive, I get to help breastfeeding moms! In my part time job, I do amazing work to fulfill Fantasies and have great phone sex with pretty awesome men. 

As a little, I enjoy life and help to “bring the fun” but also. I get to grow in love. As a submissive, I am home. I am where I belong. 

I have my place, my role, in my life.  I just need to get some damn self confidence. Because this right here, this is what I have craved my whole life. 

I just need some help to remember sometimes.   


I am right here craving you

. Oh god how I would love to be in that bed while you watched TV until you told me to come out and greet you properly when I awake. 

 Crawling up to rest my head on your thighs while you run your fingers through my hair until you pull it tight in your grasp and guide my head to your hard cock so that I may worship it until you come deep down my throat and coat my face with the last few shots of your sweet cum. 

I crave looking up at you with these sparkling brown eyes and smile at you Maestre. 

I want to kneel there until you tell me to get my ass into the bathroom, now. Standing, you reach out and grab me by the throat – ‘Mine” you growl as you walk me into the shower and put me down  to my knees once again. 

This time it wasn’t your cum hitting me but your piss. Hot, fresh, branding piss marking my body as your toy.   Marking me as Yours. 


We all know it is the one thing that is certain in life, but we never know when it is going happen and that is the kicker. You think you have all the time in the world and then one day it is gone. 

You wake up one day thinking about all the stuff you need to do, plan for the future, and worry about a thousand other thing; but the next day you don’t wake up at all. You totally wasted that day and for what- something that is never promised

My friend died today and even though he creeped me out at times-he was someone  I knew, I laughed with, I even kissed before . I love his girlfriend and feel so bad for her. She loves him so much. 

He was younger than me but heavier.  

I woke up today – worried about this and that, would today would bring, wrapped up with my own world. 

I worked, I walked, I felt loved, I woke up today. 


One thing I have learned in the last few years is…

Pain is an amazing thing. Whether it is giving it, receiving it, or just
watching it be handed out to someone else next to you.

The way the human body processes pain to turn it into pleasure is a feat of outstanding awe.

You don’t have to hurt to feel the pain that turns to pleasure. Pain does not need to be hurtful.

You don’t have to go to extremes to achieve pleasure – you just need to release your brain and slide into a wonderful place.

There are so many different ways of pain-

It could be when you are being touched so softly that you want to beg for more but you are torn because it feels so amazing you could just cry.

It could be you are being told “NO- you can not cum right now” when you are so close to .that mind blowing orgasm that your partner has been building up inside of you for quite awhile and you hear them giggle as they watch you fight it off.

 it could be when the person you love/adore/trust is behind you, standing so close to you that you can feel their breath on the back of your neck, but they do not touch you. They tell you that “tonight you are going to hurt so be ready” and all you want to do is beg “Yes please”.

Something as small as a needle, can feel like a saw blade when it is
softly and slowly ran over a freshly swatted ass.

Something as delicate as a woman’s fingertip tapping against your skin can feel like a shark bite when it is done in a certain spot on your body that can make you cum-if it was touched right, that is.

Something as stingy as a riding crop, or a whip, can feel like a cotton swab when you are in a exquisite mind space in the heat of passion.

Something as painful as a slap to the face, a bite to breast, a pull of a nipple by fingertips can feel as tender as a soft breath of air on your lips when done by the person you give yourself to.

It can be the most amazing feeling in the world when youare guided by they one you trust and you lose yourself into it.

You know you want to now don’t you? 

Pure bliss

Eskelde curled up under Maestre’s  arm as they watched movies and just spent time together. She wished she could help him deal with what he was going through, but knew this was a walk he had to do on his own with her quiet support.

He said there would be no play time tonight and she was quite content to just spend time with his arm around her, but there was a private struggle going on inside of her.

She selfishly knew what she could to offer him to help him with his struggles, the same thing that she craved to help her center herself again, her body.

Her body to be to be used as a release, to be used as a crutch while he physically beat out his frustrations. But would he know that he was giving her what she needed also?

She needed that pain to reset her inner power core, to reconnect with her strong submissive side that sets her life in order because she knows she could handle anything, if she could handle him.

She could have purred as Maestre rubbed the back of her neck and played with her hair. Leaning back in his strong hand, she smiled when he asked if she wanted to go to bed. “Yes, Maestre” was the only thing she could say before he lead her into the bed room

Laying on that bed she prepared herself for what she thought was  to be coming soon, but there was no preparing for what was to follow. 

She closed her eyes she as his body come up to stand beside her. She took a deep breath and  felt his hands rub her ass as he told her to get on that bed on her knees, lift that skirt up, and be ready. 

The first hit of the belt across her ass cheek sent the chills down her body, the second was harder and the third  harder still.  

 She laid there taking it all, enjoying every moment of that pain because she knew that she was helping her Dom work out all his frustration and find his inner peace once again.

 She had no idea how much time had passed, how many hits with her flogger or lashes with his belt had graced her skin all she knew was the multi-colored bliss she was currently floating in when she heard his voice telling that he loved her and to get up on her knees.

As she slid up to rest her body upon her knees, she spread he legs wide apart for her Sir, one last hard belt lash came that hit right between her thighs and landed right on her wet pussy lips, sending a shock wave of pain rushing thro her body that she had no chance to process before her body fell to the bed, curled up , amd her safeword came screaming from her mouth. 

Maestre dropped the belt, came up to lay beside her curling her body sore body up against his and let her float. Even though that last lash of his belt hurt, it sent her right over that wall she had been bumping against all night. It was just what she needed to find heaven.

And heaven it was, as she laid there coming back down to earth, she knew tight there and then – this was the man she was meant to serve for as long as he would have her.

One little trickle of blood

Isn’t it funny how the smallest things can remind you of great things? 

Was at work today, in my office, a cute skirt on because there was no way I could wear pants after last night, just feeling my soft panties rub against my sore ass is enough to make me want to stand still today

As I was walking out of the restroom with my hot co-worker, a different,but equally as hot, co-worker said, ” excuse me , I don’t mean to be rude, but you have some blood on your leg”  I looked down at the little couple of drops that were tracing down my calf and said “oh no, thanks a alot for letting me know” as I reached down to wipe it off. Turns out I ripped a fresh little scab off and it decided to bleed even tho it didn’t last night- that I know of anyways. lol 

My hot-as-hell co worker just looked at me, smiled when I gave her a naughty smile, and said “ohhh somebody had a rough time last night on date night huh?” I just smiled at her some more and said “Yep, more than you know darling”  

Giggling, we walked back to my cube, but when I chose to stand-to work instead sitting down-she looked over, giggled, and said “I so knew you were a freak!”

Damn, yummmmmy!! Turns out she likes a bit of the kink too!! so can’t wait to tell Sir he got us caught lol !!!