Three ways, two days

So much to write about but not sure where all to start? 

BF and I took a trip took a trip to see his wife, it was awesome.  Laughed so hard at date-rape drug  jokes – maybe too hard at some 🙂

Faced some punishment and wow, that was a long 30 minutes, but drove the point of proper behavior home real fast!   

Fulfilled fanasties I have craved and some I didn’t even know I had.

But also got to know these two really cool people better, and really got to connect and bond in the rain, with the BF.

Those last two days changed my life in three ways

 1. Knowledge that I am loved and I don’t  need to always say the words, he knows., and so do I when I look in his eyes.

2. Experiencing gags, 30 mins of little voice commands, hands around my throat while knowing that the driver in the black truck might have been able to see, feeling like one of the hottest subs around as his hands laid that leather against my ass. 

3. Relationships aren’t all bad, those that were are over and will not come up again- they are buried. Relationships- both as in friendship and in an amazing sexual way, really do get better with communication and cuddles.

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Wisdom

Why does it come to us only after making silly mistakes? Maybe because otherwise we would not learn.

“Accept what is”   Right here, right now. We only gave this moment so be in this moment. I love my boyfriend says ” and for the foreseeable future” because the future is never promised to us but right now is, so stop fucking wasting it on “time wasting future tripping”.

“Let go of what was”. Talk about a waste of time -worrying if you had said the right thing, did the right things, if your partner is finished with you because you were in subspace and started begging him to love you when he already does!  Stop wasting your time worrying about what was! It was and you can’t go back and change it.  You.also can’t go back and relive it, so let those great loves of your past, and bad heartaches, be just that- of your past. Stop wasting your precious today talking about yesterday.

“Have faith in what could be” – now here’s  the kicker huh? You stop reliving in the past, you stop wasting your “today time” worrying about the future,  and you just have faith that what is good right now in your life is going to be just as good, if not better, in the next few moments. 

One friend of mine used to say- stop whining about yesterday, it is done. Stop bitching about today, like it- then enjoy it; don’t like it-then change it.Stop worrying about tomorrow cuz you only have this time that your eyes are open right now so be quiet and have the belief that if your eyes are still open in five more moments those next five moments are going to be awesome!!!!!

Doing just that right now, just enjoying the moments!!!!!


Valentines and Vacations

So yesterday  was Valentines and i have to say, it was one of the best ones I have had in quite a while and it osnt over yet because starting Thursday I get to be spoiled with a two-day road trip with my handsome man to go down and spend some time with his lovely wife 🙂

I can’t wait to get to see new things I have never seen before as well getting to spend two whole days with him and an evening with a lady I would really like to become better friends with.

I won’t say I’m not starting to get nervous, because I am. I am getting that little tingle of the fear of the unkown.But, I so am not backing out of this time together.  

So back to Valentines  !  Why was it such a great day?  Because it started with getting to say good morning and chat with a very hamedome man that makes my heart skip a beat(Hi Devon!!)  And then got to work and was given an awesome coffee cup and Balloon by two very good friends.  That meant the world to me to see that and to know that I’m important to them. 

Valentine’s has always been a very special day to me because it was the Day celebrated love with my children,  I just made sure that they knew that no matter what I always always love them.

It’s not really a day about gifts (but they’re kind of nice) I say that because that’s never been the high point of our Valentines,  I never expected a gift because I’ve never gotten one and that’s not saying anything bad-  it’s just how it is and it just what it was.

My grandbaby was my birthday, my Christmas, my valentines, she is the most amazing gift I’ve ever received and that’s because she helped me come back to life.

 the people that love me made sure to tell me that they love me and that’s what made it important day. 

And it’s funny because I also really enjoyed hearing that the man that makes my heart skip a beat surprised his lovely wife and they spent the day together.  It feels so good to be able to be happy for people and to say yay!!!

 it’s really really nice, it’s something I haven’t experienced before with someone that I was falling in love with. I was always happy for Keith and Donna when they got to spend time together but they’re really good friends and I really care about them.

 I love the fact that I can be happy that Devon and his wife (or Devin and his girlfriend) can have a great time together.  I look forward to being able to do that more often.

What makes it weird and strange for me is because there’s still that little voice inside of my  head that says “well, are you jealous? Why aren’t you jealous? You should be, this is the man you love and he’s happy with another woman.”

 But something Dev.said to me a a while ago about Dean really really Rings true – I’m not jealous of him or the person he’s with, I don’t think she’s any better or any prettier or anything else than me, I’m jealous of the time that they’re spending together. Time we don’t have or  that I don’t get to have.

 this does not happen in this relationship, or at least I haven’t felt it in this relationship very much because I get the time to talk to him and get the time to see him and it’s amazing.

I love that he supports me and that I am free to be a beautiful woman and that, even though this relationship is just starting out,  I really think that is one of the best that I’ve ever had. Just feels so right it feels,  so like I belong here.

Diary of a phone girl

Working as a phone  sex operator isn’t  always as easy as it sounds! 

Sure, there are those call where are you can sit in the chair,  you can check your phone,  you can say yeah oh yeah, I like that. While the person on the other side of the call is pleasuring himself and telling you what he would do with his tongue.

And there are those calls were you are  on the bed with your hand down your panties playing with your clit,  telling that man- or woman- what you would be doing to their sweet body with your beautiful mouth, because why waste a good fantasy not enjoying yourself  when you can come so hard in your mind and with your body just by closing your eyes and going along with the other person enjoying the fanasties with you? Those are my absolute favorite calls.

Or better yet- those calls ahere you get to dwell in the deepest darkest taboos that that caller only shares with you because they know (believe anyways) that you share that same dark place and they feel welcome to go there with you as their companion!  

But that is a story for next time – this time we’re going to talk about those calls that turn out to be more mental than sexual,

You know we all think that in this job is you talk on the phone, you play with your clit, you verbally jerk them off and you come,  then you hang up. But that’s not always true. We get to know the guys and girls and we become therapists also sometimes.

I will never mention names;  however,  I have to talk about this call ! You see this young man, when he was a boy he walk by his parents room and saw Mommy doing exercises. 

Now why a woman would be on her bed doing exercises with her door open, lifting her legs up in the air, spread in the air and open them wide to stretch them,  then close them and slowly slide them down her bed without her underwear sounds more to me like she was trying to get off then exercise but this man still thinks his mommy was exercising !!

You see he walked by, he saw that and he got the biggest boner of his life !! but he didn’t know what to do with it, poor boy- he went in his bedroom and sat there wondering all day long what are he should do with that boner because he never had one before,

It wasn’t until the next time he saw mom in the kitchen lifting her skirt up and bending over to touch her toes that he realized hey this is wrong and hot and oh my god my dick is hard again! 

He said the first time he masturbated he felt so guilty and so shameful it lived with him for the rest of his life.

Of course we talked about why you shouldn’t be ashamed of what your body does, and of course we talked about why certain older women do exercises that happens to show off her ass, we did all the teletherapy talk, but come on you know me- this big beautiful  nympho couldn’t help but go there! 

Before the end of the call,  I had him walk up behind me, as I was bending over to touch my toes, and slide in that hard cock deep in my tight ass! He kept saying how wrong it was,  how bad he felt and I kept telling him to keep fucking me harder. The more shame he felt for enjoying thinking about fucking his mom, the harder I had him do it and the dirtier  our conversation got. 

 I could hear him stroking his cock, his breath coming now in gasps and moans, and as he sped up his strokes getting closer and closer to blowing his hot cum all over himself, fantasizing about sliding all the way balls deep in that tight ass  i told him tocall me Mommy!!

That did it! He was screaming out his orgasm and btween the grunts, groans and little screams i could hear him saying “god yes mommy, your sshole is so good” which made this bad lady shove her fingers down next her clt and finger out an orgasm to match his!!!

And as bad as I am for making him do that,  I’m also a real good woman,  I laid him down against my chest, I had him picture his head laying against my breast as I ran my hands through his hair and let him catch his breath. I told him what he did was not bad,   he’s a good man just living out a fantasy and he had no right to have shame or guilt come into his brain. They did not belong there,

Before I knew it, he was crying and  releasing all of that crap he had stored growing up telling him he was wrong- he was bad for having a fantasy. It was a fantasy and not all fantasies are bad, as long as we keep them between consenting adults and that’s exactly what we were.

That turned out to be one of my better calls,  so I hope this interested you in the life of a phone girl and  you come back to read more,  you see there’s so many more tales I have to tell you

Pet peeves!!!!

Some are simple little ones- damn car that leaves the blinker on for 3 miles in front of you!  

When you’re in the parking lot and you back out people see you  backing out,  but yet still continue to walk behind your car assuming that you’re going to stop, I really hate that one

The car across the street that does not know how ro operate its own alarm system!

Grandbaby that says “thank you but no thank you”  when you try to put her to bed.

Others are more complex-

Someone shhhhing you when you try to talk- unless you are just being a worried girl and have said rhe same thing over and over again- in that case I deserve a shhhhh,  girl you just shut your mouth and will gladly accept it.

And the hardest one for me- not knowing  the words you want to say to express something that is important to you.

Such as when I want to tell someone that I am so happy and yet so scared at the same time because I love with my full heart like really deeply love when I do know that is is mutual.

I want you

When I say I want you it means I want both parts of you – your happy side, your sad side, you. I want to be able to support you when you need that little extra boost and give you joy!

I want that sweet soft romantic man that you are. The way your hands slowly touchs my hair, the way you look in my eyes right before you kiss me, the way you lean your head down and put your lips on my lips as your hand slides up to my neck, and into my hair.

I want that man that looks down at me and smiles just as he starts tending my shirt and reaches hands down to touch my beautiful breasts, I want to feel you when you take my shirt off, when you take my bra off, I want to see you when you stand back and look at me, your big beautiful gorgeous girl

I love how you lead me to the bed, you lay me down on my back, curl up next to my body and you kiss me. It Thrills me to no end when I feel your hands all these beautiful tits, when I can feel your hands slowly slide down to my belly button, when I feel you kiss my whole chest down to my belly, down to this gorgeous pussy. I can feel this beautiful clit start to throb just thinking about how good it feels when you touch me,  when I can feel your fingers part in these lips to expose that pink luscious pussy for you.

I crave how it feels when you climb on top of me, when you put your body on top of mine, your thighs between mine,  how good it feels when I can feel you slowly starting to slide inside of me – stretching these lips around your head, God I love the way that feels.

I love the way you make love to me, I love the way you make me feel like a beautiful beautiful woman, I love you.

But you see, I don’t just  want that side of you, there’s a side that Sparks me, that makes me want to beg you to hurt me.

There’s this part of you that-when I stand up and look in your eyes, I can see that you want to own me and I crave it so badly.

That part of you that slides your hand in the back of my hair and grabs it, you look down at me and you give me that smile that tells me I’m in for a hell of a ride it makes me want to serve you.

I want to feel your hands ripping these clothes off, I want to see that smile on your face when you slide between my legs and you force yourself inside of me, hard and deep.

You see Darling, I want all of you. I want that soft romantic, I want that man that’s going to grab me by the hair and prove to me that I’m worth being his and he is worth having me.

Something serious 

So today I need to journal about something a little more serious, it is about my boss and my job and how lost I feel lately there.

Please don’t get me wrong, I love my job very much. However every since Barb took over as my boss, I feel like I have to cover my assevery day.

 I feel like what I do is never going to be good enough and I know that no matter what I do-  she is going to gossip to the other girls about it it makes me not trust her and makes me not want to talk to her about anything.

 I can’t stand the micromanagement, Iowa’s doing amazing job of myself for quite a while and then they run into ladies Danielle and Presley to try to help me. 

It seems like Barb automatically took to them and wanted nothing to do with me, so I just stayed in my cube and did my work quietly.

I listened to both those girls talk about how they had nothing to do or how bored  they were as I worked my ass off, and at the same time, I watch them both advance in their careers. 

There was even a  job that was perfect  for me,  it was in contracts and procurements, things I know how to do so well; however, I did not even get an interview. that job was made for Danielle and when she turned it down they ended up giving it to Sonia.

I am still having to train Sonia on how to do her job  and now even though she is a HSC 1, she is not doing the procurement she’s just tracking them

I am on probation until june and i know Barb would love to see me out of there so that Danielle can have her old job back- mine

I need to start staying on track with my work, stop worring about if she likes or or if she gossips about me and just make it thro June before I can apply for a different position.

I can do that. But sometimes I swear I am hitting burn out and I just want to run away.