So Why don’t you date? 

 I was asked the other day this question by my Co worker who knows I am poly. I just told her I “just don’t feel like it, I just don’t have time with this move and all” I didn’t really her the truth- that I didn’t really even date before I met handsome man. 

Oh sure, I screwed around – alot, but I am pretty sure not one of those guys even knew my middle name and they sure the hell did not take me out on a date. 

Handsome man took me out to see the Christmas lights this last year and what I did not tell him,  is that I almost started crying when he put his hand on my back while we walked and looked at lights. I don’t know if he ever knew how much that meant to me, just that soft caress on my lower back that wasn’t looking to go further down and grab my ass. 

Well I told him “I’ve never done this before”  I’m sure he just thought it was walking around looking Christmas lights, but it was also actually being taken out on a date like that.

 Tim was the first person to ask me out and take me out since high school and it has been years since then.  It was hook ups at a party,  an 8 yr relationship as a hidden mistress (so you know there were no date night outs for us) and fwb – but don’t expect the benefits that true real friends get,  you just get the benefits of his dick when he has the time to give it to you.

That first night out with handsome man, being treated like a lady,  reminded me that I’m worth so much more.  I’m worth going out on dates.

So if I am also poly,  just like my boyfriend, you may ask why don’t I go out on dates.

 The simple answer is I don’t know how to date, not truly date. Never learned the skills of dating. 

Hell,  I’m just now learning the skills of communication with a man that I love. I am still not too great at it. I have a hard time telling him how I am feeling at times when we talk and am so glad he has a way of helping think of the feeling and naming it so I can talk to him about it. 

The more complex answer is that I am sitting up my house,  I really don’t have time…  and see- I’m just really not that fucking interested in dating people I don’t even know or that I have to reach out to, I don’t know if I have that kind of energy anymore right now. 

I’m sure that’ll change over time,  things always do, but right now I really don’t want to have to go hunt  for someone to date.

 I’m scared to break those walls down again – what walls are left anyway,  most of them already all been broken down with handsome, 

I am scared to date again. 

I know it seems like I am so wrapped up in the bf I have now that I don’t reach out to find others, but that’s not true, I do talk to other men. I just don’t get all “I want you now” sex talky with them because I wanna wait and get to actually know them a bit – but it seems like a few days of talking and they just lose interest or push dick pic and I lose interest.  

I still talk to old friends and old lovers and I love those friendships,  but right now between full time work, babysitting on the weekends and still trying to finish the  move in and setting up my other full time at home business, me time is hard to come by. 

That’s another reason why I love date night so much,  it’s a night where I can just relax and I can just be with someone I care about and I can lose all that stress of regular day living.  I can just enjoy that time that we get touching and talking and spending time together. I can feel like a beautiful wanted woman on date night without any regrets and I love that. 

I really am happy right here where I’m at in my life.  that’s not to say that if some man ask me out on a date I’d say no because I wouldn’t- I’d say yes, but that doesn’t mean I want to have to go hunting for some man to ask me out

I am, however now having great fun today flirting shamelessly with my neighbor guy that I heard having massive sex last night. I saw him this am and said Hello Sir, with the added emphasis on Sir (most after hearing all I heard last night and playing till I came twice too lol) he just looked at me, said hello and winked! 

 I’m really okay where I am and if I ever come across as too needy,  I know he’ll tell me that to back off,  he has no problem telling me it!! But I really do try my best not to get to that point. 

Advertisements

A doll’s life too

Oh my gosh, such a beautiful better day today. 

I got my positive groove back!!! 

A few days ago I posted a blog about my gbaby’s dolls and how they kinda twisted me up, but our darling boyfriend reminded me that not all growth and life changes are bad. 

Maybe Ms. Dark haired barbie decided to branch out and go explore poly knowing that she is loved deeply by the blondes and has a safe home base with a loving couple.  Maybe she is just out visiting different swinger parties and dungeons like she used to in the past. 

Or maybe she is just busy setting up her new place and getting it ready for more fun date nights with a hot sexy man that makes her scream in delight, cry in peace, giggle in enjoyment, and makes her use her brain till it hurts. (believe me, she is so happy that there are others that meet his wide array of needs because owie!!)  

Or maybe, just maybe, they are just damn barbie dolls and my gbaby prefers blondes lol 

Ahhhhhhh yes

Some times a submissive needed to be held, kissed, cuddled and reassured. 

Sometimes  a good submissive needs a touch of a a reminder that they really are a good sub even when life gets overwhelming and they haven’t felt very submissive lately. 

And sometimes, a stubborn feeling submissive needs to be reminded of her place (head down ass up), her mission (to bring pleasure), and that her Maestre is serious about her loving herself and taking care of herself while following his directives. 

This submissive needed all of those things today and yet got so much more!   

My sense of inner balance has been off for the past few days (weeks) and try as I might I just could not find that inner peace I needed to right it. 

Today I was handed that inner peace through leather and steel caresses followed by tears and giggles. 

You can read me so very well :), thank you Maestre 

My week from hell

I never knew how fast a body could shut down and decide to stop life as you know it until you give in and rest. 

It all started with a hellva rash all over my arms and chest. Itched so bad that I also drew blood with each stratch. Then the knee pain, I couldn’t bend them, couldn’t hardly walk. 

As the weeks went on, whatever was going on with my body moved into my hands, ankles, shoulders, and settled in my hips. I missed work, my body was so sensitive I even had to Bailey on boyfriend touches. 😦 

One day all I could do was lay in bed and cry. Every move I made hurt like hell, that is when I really had to do some thinking about my life and getting older, realizing I am only going to get older as time goes on and I better get some $$$ in savings for the future. 

Thank goodness for 2 different types of steroids, I can walk again. I am still not like I was but so much better than I had been. 

Still, these last few weeks of pain and getting ready for this move have really opened my eyes to some stuff  but also gave me a much needed boost of confidence. 

 I know I can do this and go through that and all I need is that little extra lovin to keep me centered and moving towards my goals. 

But now I need to start all over again on my exercises 😦 

Doll’s life 

My grandbaby has these dolls she takes baths with. Every time after the bath, they would be put away differently. 

I joked around with my darling Meta, that I should write a blog about their poly lifestyle with pics, even had some pretty good pictures 🙂 

However; last Monday night, I came home to something that has been throwing me for a loop and don’t really know what to think, lol. 

We had an awesome date night, I love getting to spend time with my boyfriend, it is just really nice. He talked- no we talked,  about how maybe I should start seeing other people again and not be so dependent on him (which is hard for me because I allowed my submissive walls to come down with him and let him deeply inside. I learned to trust and try again and my submissive side is nervous),  it was a great talk and I felt good about my feelings and our relationship. 

But when I got home I noticed the next day,  the dark hair girl was gone from the tub. It was just the two blondes left.  Apparently her hair was icky and she got removed from the pairing. 

I don’t usually let my anxiety talk to me for a long time because I know it is just crap talking, but today (and part of this weekend) it is just bugging me. What if I am that dark haired girl and,  since he is doing so great in his life, job, relationships he (they) no longer want me around?  Which is bullshit cuz I am awesome lol giggle 

See silly stuff, but as we hit the 8 month mark of us dating I just worry about being boring. He says that I am still loved,  so why am I letting this silly little thing trigger me and make me doubt myself? Maybe the stress of moving and of being so sick lately, putting the weight I had lost back on, and also the questions my inner deep mono side keeps wanting to ask- why do you really want me to see other people? Even tho, hello– poly here and part of being poly is seeing other people, not because you are not wanted or loved but because YOU ARE!!! 

I am not that dark haired doll, I am not easily replaced and I just have to have faith that if I just keep on being just me and enjoying my life every little thing will be alright. 

Damn, I could really use a hug right now. Lol 

I wanna… 

I want to journal but yet I want to go to sleep,  I think I’m just way too high to start journaling right now.

Due my damn camera not working well and my gimp ass hand I have tonight,  the two videos that I made for my Maestre did not go through. 

one didn’t send all the way and the other I couldn’t hold the camera long enough to masturbate with the other hand. I will try again in the am… Still, not happy about it tho. 

Haven’t blogged in a while – but my mind is rushing to places that it doesn’t need to go anyway and have just been shutting that down the best I can.

 This pain I have been in for the past two weeks or so has been a real eye opener and humbling,  yet pisses me off because I have so much to do for the move and still need to work my phone job soon for $$$. 

My mind is running and body crashing before the pain cames back so nite nite 

Boobs!!!! 

Oh what wonderful things they are! 

They come in so many sizes and types, some like to be sucked on gently, some like to feel that suction all the way down to their belly button!!! 

Some you can nibble on and others beg for you to bite them till the person is cumming down their legs!!! 

From light rope bondage to the extreme, hot wax running down the side in torrents to freezing ing ice cube trails, the sting of a riding crop to the gentle stroke of a feather, the sharp intense pain of teeth deeply marking property to the gentle sweep of soft butterfly kisses teasing their skin- oh all of the wonder things you can do to breasts. 

Even the hardest core pain slut I know cries out in torture when you look her in the eyes while you slide your tongue gently and softly around her nipple, smiling as you gently run your teeth over her erect hard little sensitive nipple. She shivers and shakes as thrills run down her body because she knows you truly see her, you see her as a thing of beauty and slowly torture her tits with soft touches and gentle kisses making her ride the wave of subspace but never letting her dip into it, keeping her present for all the lovely things you are going to do to those magnificent breasts. 

But, I also have the pleasure of knowing one of the sweetest ladies around that you would just like to cuddle with and baby, but inside of this woman beats the heart of a primal animal. 

She can tear you up when unleashed. Push her up against the wall, wrap your hand around her throat, rip her shirt open and you can start to see her chest heave, her eyes start to stare at you intensity as if to say “game on.” Oh that is when it really becomes delightful, you can practically feel the waves of desire rolling through her. 

You can’t help but pull back,  rip that bra off,  grab those tits in your hands and squeeze them as if your life depends on it. That’s when you can see her throw her head back close her eyes for a quick second before leveling her glaze back to your eyes. 

Challenge accepted and you better be ready, because once this passes she is going to be giggling like that sweet little again and it will be up to you to walk her through it all. But right now, you just want to hurt her; she wants you to hurt her because she knows you understand that you are one of the very few that gets to see her this way and she trusts you with her life. 

Her tits are amazing, they take that 1st slap so well, they bounce and jiggle like they are tempting you to hit them harder and you do, you can’t help but to beat them until she has cum running down her legs, tears running down her face and she is begging you with her eyes to own her. To take her over that ledge and let her fly.  Her beautiful breasts are an angry shade of red, her body squirming to be touched, and her lips whispering “thank you” or “I love you” over and over again while she is lost in her own little world and her body is completely yours. 

You hit them one time as you growl in her ear that she is yours and hang on as she leaps over that mental wall and is flying. She giggles back to life laying in your bed with your arms wrapped gently around her and your fingertips caressing her firm yet supple boobs while she floats back down to earth. 

There is just something magical about a beautiful set of gorgeous tits. And the best part, no two sets are the same!!! There are big ones, little ones, full and flabby or tiny and perky. They are all such a treat to get to play with. 

I used to worry about my larger “flabbier” ones because they are as cute and perky/full and firm as others, but they are amazing in their own way and look hot as fuck all tied up in a rope harness!!! 

So here is to the joy off all things boobie!!! They are awesome!!