girl crush…..

So part of my phone sex job, I get to play with beautiful women. One such woman loves to write with me and I just had to share our story that we are working on together with you all.. it is starting out so hot!!

My boss saw me working late in the office, she smiled at me and asked me if I would like to stay late tonight. I looked up at her and smiled as I said yes.

That evening I walked in to her office, she smiled at me again and thanked me for staying later with her, I gave her a wicked smile and told her that I was going to sit right here on this big leather sofa of hers and wanted to see what she was wearing under her suit. Knowing her it was going to be as lovely as she is.

She walked over to stand in front of me and took off her black suit jacket and plum colored blouse, she slipped off her black heals and slide her pants down.

So beautiful, she was wearing a matching dark purple plum bra and panties, lacy black and plum garters and the softest black silk stockings. I asked her to please put her shoes back on so she slide her sexy red tipped toes back in her heels and sat down on the couch so I could start to rub her ankles.

She leaned over and kissed me softly while playing with my hair. I loved how good it felt when she touched me. She whispered in my ear that she wanted to see me, all of me so I stood up and slowly reached behind my back to unzip my black tight skirt.

I slowly let it drop to the floor, showing her my pure white lace panties and white lace thigh high stockings. I loved the way her eyes watched me as I unbuttoned my white shirt slowly, letting her get small glimpses of my tan skin and white lace bra. I love the way she took a deep breath as she saw my dark nipples under the white lace.

Smiling at her I sat back down on the leather couch and slide my fingers up her leg again to pull her feet in my lap so I could rub her calves softly.

 TO Be continued …… 

 

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Mistaken

The last few days I have been so proud of the marks my Maestre left on my body, it wasn’t until today that I realized I didn’t have something to be proud of, that I was mistaken.

That was a punishment, these are marks from a punishment that did not leave him proud of me.

Yes, it was done out of love but they were not left with pride and knowing that hurts worse than the punishment itself, and God that hurt. This is the guidance I have been seeking and now that I have it, I want to learn from it as much as I can, but I also want him to be proud of his submissive and I want to be proud of me.

I do not know why I dislike my body as much as I do. I keep thinking if I was just smaller, but in reality I would still have older saggier tits because that is the way my body is. Sure, I can exercise and tighten my body up some, but this is me.

But I do not want to dishoner my Maestre’s choices and he really does seem to enjoy this body. That is a good thing.

I need to stop using other peoples approval of my body or approval of me, make or break my day or faith that I am so worthy of many great things.

I apologize Maestre for deserving that many swats, and for letting myself doubt take me to a place where I need to see these punishment marks everyday to remind me that I really am worthy of feeling pride and worthy of his pride in my submission and in me as a person.

Thank you everyone for sticking with me on this journey of self discovery and self love.

I will never lie to him and tell him I am proud of a certain body part on me, so I had better step the hell up and work on loving that body part so that when he does ask, I don’t have to hymn and haaa my way out of the question but can answer with pride.

Today…

Today spins, time moves on with or without us, we just travel this day doing the best we can.

We will never be perfect but we can be perfectly twisted. We can open our eyes and choose to keep them wide open to all of the wonderful things life will show us, or we can let them slide shut, reopen cloudy with self doubts, and shades of insecurity.

We can lay there in that bed letting thoughts of “Am I really on the same page as others? Am I living in an illusion of life or am I supposed to be right here, doing what I am doing?”

Or we can get up and face this day head on saying “No bitch, I know who I am, I know my worth, and today is the day I have been waiting for so go fuck yourself because today I make myself happy.”

People move on, they get older, time starts to come to a close on life and there is nothing we can do. There is no way to make someone proud of you if they never were, there is nothing you can do but choose to believe them when they tell you that they love you, and tell those little voices in your your head that whisper “you are the reason their lifes took those curves” it really was your fault” ” why didn’t you just shut up, go with it, you know it wasn’t going to last forever” to shut the fuck up and to stop trying to get you to search for a way to be numb again.

You spent enough time numb, and now is the day for you to face facts, your mom did the best she could with the cards which she was dealt.

You are doing the best with the cards you are playing with but your deal isn’t over yet. You get to choose to stand firm and play those cards or get a reshuffle and redeal.

That is the great thing about life, you get to choose if you act or react

They crash

Walls are so easy to build and they are even easier to rebuild.

You don’t want to get hurt so you stop reaching out, but one day, one fateful day, someone comes along and starts kicking at those walls.

Just little kicks at 1st so you think nothing of it, but then they kiss you and those damn walls start to shake. They hold your face in your hands and those damn walls start to bend. They see you, truly see you and they like what they see. They hold you close one night and the walls crumble. They are in and it scares you to death but you are willing to be scared now.

Time goes on, you are happy but still learning about relationships. You watch and see, you feel the walls starting to build back up again because you don’t want to be hurt, but at the same time, you don’t want to hold anyone else’s feelings back, so you start stacking the bricks back up one at a time, you don’t want to rush this because this is yours and yours alone.

You do great until one night your partner sees thro it all over again. In that one moment, he sees the clinched hands as you are standing between them enjoying so much pain. He can feel it on your body, something is different and he calls you on it.

He kisses you and those walls start to bend, forget shake. He tells you to kiss him and the feeling of his lips upon yours once more, the way your lips cave in and can feel so much love there- it is so breath takingly beautiful that you can’t help but feel those wall crumble.

Damn it, there they go, falling down as fast the tears roll down your face, they shatter, leave your soul standing there to him bare again and you would not change one damn thing at that moment. In that one damn moment you stop and just feel. You know you are love, cared about, wanted still and part of.

Thank you for seeing me Maestre, thank you for hearing me Lady, thank you for allowing me to build myself back up again instead of those damn walls.

Thank you for giving me that one damn moment in time

Day 33- it fucking fits

There is this dress, it is one of my dream dresses.

When my daughter got married, I wore a cute black dress. It fit- but just barely, I loved it but pretty much knew I’d never wear it again, so when I had my dearest lady friend try it on, and looked sooooo good in it, I gave it to her!! She looks stunning in it!

But then I found the dress, oh this dress. It looks like it is from the 50’s it is black covered in black lace.

I started crying the day I tried it on because, no matter how much weight I lost, I was just not going to be able to wear this dress.

I almost gave this dress to my dearest friend also but just couldn’t do it.

Today, I just wanted to see, I just wanted to try one more time because hey why not and… It fits.

I still have some work to do, but don’t we all? I can’t wait to wear this dress out on triple-date night one of these times with pretty lady in her black dress also!!! I think we will be stunning!!!!

Day 32 I freaking love taking baths

Being naked in water is my heaven. I could stay in the tub for hours and sometimes do!!!

It used to be my go to for comfort. When I got my own place, for the very first time I was able to just sit in the hot water in the dark and not have to deal with anything, I was hooked!!

When I became serious about kicking drugs, the bathtub was my safe spot, if I wanted to us, I took a hot bath, if I wanted to cry and end it all, I took a hot bath. It gave me the strength when I didn’t have it, but also- gave me the excuse of I am too busy (lazy) to relapse because I would have to get up, get dressed and go get something – screw that, I was naked already!!!

It is still my go to safe place when anxiety is kicking in or when I can’t sleep!!!

I was beyond elated when I moved into my new home and realized not only could I take a bath again but that I could fit in the tub!!!! Yeah me!!!

So I start out this day with a nice hot bath!!!!!

And enjoy every moment of it!!!