Food journal of a slacker… 

So in my quest to get healthy, I started eating right and exercising as well as walking! I could feel the weight start to come off but then started slacking big time. 

So this me narking myself off to my Maestre…

 I haven’t been doing a great job lately. Sure, I could use the excuse of the doc told me to slow down untill my heart exam came back clear, or that I really have crappy ass shoes that hurt my feet so bad I avoid walking, or I could just be truthful and say I am slacking and it is totally on me. 

Yes, I do miss videoing the exercises to show that I really did do them, but I am a grown ass woman and should be accountable to myself and my health 1st and then my Maestre. 

So time to be accountable, even if that means coming on here and tracking my workouts!!!! 

Living with others that purchase the food in the house makes it hard to stay focused on eating what I need to to be burning this fat and finding work out time is nearly impossible with them home – but I have a bedroom so that blowes that excuse right out of the water. 

But today is a new day and no time for excuses, I have a walk coming up in September thst I need to start getting ready for and a full movie that I plan on being fucked over the ottoman for the full damn thing!!!! 

One thing I haven’t slacked off on was eating breakfast and lunch. I have been sticking pretty steady to the oatmeal and fruit in the am’s 

and Subway spinach salads for lunch with dressing on the side, but maybe a little too much processed meat. 

I do need to go shopping and start making these at home. The price I pay for these everyday adds up and I  really need to start saving for my house and for a trip that I want to take in a few years. 

Dinners, on the other hand have been sucking and that’s been my downfall. Fried Chicken strips and really not healthy food, stuff that I need to stop being around. 

My body feels it tonight too!! I could not wait to go to bed, but when I got in here I was freezing and then hot and then freezing again. I guess this is what I get for being mean to my boyfriend when he said he was sick oops. 

 But, I really do need to start taking care of Maestre’s property again as well as honor myself and by becoming a hottest ass  GIF and the healthiest GIF I can be giggle!!!!! 

So let’s kick this weight in the ass,  jump start myself working again on being healthy and…. welcome to my journey,  I hope that by posting on here, where I know that he will read it, also will help me stay accountable to myself and to my Maestre. 

Communication in poly relationships 

When i first started down this path in this new relationship,  I was told,  and had read, that one of the most important things in a relationship is communication.  

I knew my skills sucked but didn’t realize how badly until the last few days. I feel like I let stress take over my life and then expected my boyfriend to make me all better on date night,  getting pissy when he couldn’t read my mind. 

He tries so very hard to make sure we all know we are loved equally and I can’t thank him enough for that and for all he does for us. It can’t be easy at all! 

I thought being a woman loving a poly man was hard sometimes, but yesterday,  and last night,  I got to see what being that poly man was like – somewhat. 

That is a position I don’t know if I would have the mental calmness to take on and it really can’t be easy with a ditzy chick that worries about almost everything and has such damn insecurity that she has let it interfere with just about every relationship she has been in! 

We found a book at the book store one day, “the subtle art of not giving a fuck” he pointed out that I so need that book to help balance myself out and after the last few days I can’t agree more. 

I do let myself dive into myrterism and then whine and complain when I don’t feel my needs are important to others, how can they be when I tell others they aren’t? 

I saw this quote this morning after I got in from my long drive home, 

“The world will not put a value on you greater than you value yourself,” 

Boy,  how true us that? He keeps showing me I have value and I keep denying it, even tho I do know it is true. I have so much value not only as a mom  grandma, girlfriend, but also as a woman and a person, I know these things,  so why I become a toxin person and spill crap all over the people I love? 

I love how a dearest lady told me that from now on she will just knock me upside the head next time she sees it coming on!!! 

I am such a lucky lady, but damn so so can’t wait to get to feel his teeth on my skin again soon. 

Sweet little spot.

I have my own private little space, my own private little spot, it is all mine and no one else shares it. 

I am sure many can see it, but only a few truely know for sure and even less would ever say something- even if they thought they knew, some times I wish they would see me. 

Sometimes I wish they would ask, but then I would just lie to them and blow off their worries, because that spot is mine and mine alone. 

I MAY share it and let you touch it, but you will never own it like I do. 

When I want to escape, be in control, go to a happy zone all I have to do is look down.

 It hasn’t been touched for a while now but when I want to feel better, I just have to run my finger along side of it and it sends chills up my spine. 

That spot has been well used and, even though I say I dont need to go there, I don’t need to play with it,  I know I will give in and play with it again someday soon. I feel the pressure building and sometimes just need the release playing in that spot brings.

There are many different ways I can touch that spot. 

Many different little touches that feels so good. 

Plus, where it is- I always have a way of saying “oops I accidentally touched it again” and no one (except for one, I am sure he notice) would question me upon glancing at it. 

Now that I no longer work in a kitchen, it has been a whole lot harder to blow off questions though. I do miss that waffle iron.

It used to be how I coped when I didn’t think I could, but they also serve as a reminder that I am too damn strong to let things make me feel lost today even when I don’t feel like I am.

I miss touching my spot somedays but it is mine and I can run my fingers over it and remind myself that it is right there waiting for me to comeback and visit it anytime I wish.

Beat me 

Push me up against the wall and wrap your hand around my throat. 

Grab my face in your hand and kiss me as if I was last drink of water on earth. 

Pull your hand back and slap me till my eyes water and your dick leaks. 

Push me down to my knees and force your hard cock down my throat, using these pretty lips for your pleasure while you bang the back of my head against the wall. 

Force me to swallow all of you as you grab my hair and pull me with enough force to me back up and over like a whore. 

I want to feel your hand, your belt, and the dragon’s tail beating me into your submission, I need to be reminded where my place is.

Force your cock in my wet pussy as you force our toy in my ass, shoving me into subspace and not letting go until I am screaming for you to fuck me harder. 

Feel my cum and blood trickle down my thighs as you pound harder and harder into me. Marking me as your slut as you rape my sweet ass. I need you. 

Slam one last time into me as you coat my walls with your cum and bite my neck as your marked tramp. 

Slowly pull out of me and lay me down on my belly as you clean us up and tell me what a good little whore I am for you Maestre. 

Hold me close and and listen to this heart that loves you. Tell me to cry and don’t let go until I do. 

Bring down the whip and open my soul. Wrap me in strong loving arms and hold me while I rebuild this foundation stronger that it was last time. 

Hold me and whisper those words I crave to hear in my ears. 

Bring me to life with your whip make me celebrate this life with your words. 

When you know… You just know. 

Isn’t it funny how people say that there is no such thing as true love at first sight, but yet others say that when it is right, when you meet “the one” you just know.?

I used to believe that you could only love, or you were only supposed to love just one person at a time and I went many years feeling like I wasn’t good enough to be “the one” I didn’t have enough to offer to be that one.

 Now that I am in my first truly open and loving relationship IONSHIP,  I can finally understand that I don’t have to Try  (and fail)  to be the one because there is no way one man or one woman can fulfill every desire another person has.  

Anyway, the reason behind this blogs is because today on Facebook this pic came up, 

This is Tim, he is no longer alive, he was gone less two yrs after this night. I miss him so much today.

The first time I saw him was a coffee date that turned into dinner. The moment I saw him I bit my lip, smiled, and hugged him. Yes enter here the sappy fireworks and butterflies) we laughed and talked for hours.  This pic was from our second date. There is now way I would have worn this outfit if not for him pushing me into torrid and putting me in it. 

 He left because he got cancer and went back to his ex. I wish I would have known then what I know know, it truly is ok to love more than one.  He taught me to open my heart and feel with love again. I wish I would have told him out loud that I loved him. 

And then about twenty minutes after that pic came up, grandbaby and I were looking at pictures in my phone and this one came up… 

(Oh my gosh, I look like a dork in these pics!!) 

This is our handsome man and I love him so much,  even tho I’m m working  on not saying it so much because I know it can get irritating. 

You might as well go back up and reread the first time I met Tim because that is almost the same damn way.  

Met for coffee that ended with him helping me shop for taco stuff for dinner. I don’t think I have laughed so much in years. I quit dating because I was dumped by a person that I thought cared about me, I was abused verbally and mentally by a man that I thought loved me before and I didn’t want to get back into that again. But the moment he hugged me goodbye that day, I was willing to try one more time. Yeap, bit the lip, lit the fireworks and couldn’t wait to kiss him. 

It took what felt like forever for us to finally get to have a second date and that is where this pic is from. He kissed my cheek and I was joking about him eating my face off. There is no way I would have went there without him threatening to toss me out of his car if  I didn’t.  He even took me to the world of Torrid  later also. 

 I know I am far from perfect and so is he, but he makes me feel gorgeous. I am learning some hard lessons (hard for me because I have never had to learn them nor have had communication like this) about myself and about enjoying life without expectations, even tho sometimes I really want to beg for them.

 I am learning what loving a man that openly loves others is about and sometimes it really isn’t easy, but then he tells me that I am just as important as they are and it is worth it. 


So this is me and I plan on smiling like this for many more yrs to come. 

Whorehouse

Ma’am Straw had one of the best whore houses in town, all of her ladies were clean and very well skilled in the art of pleasure, any sort of pleasure a man may seek,  he could find it there. 

She always made sure to stock her house with only the finest. The finest food, the finest liquor, but most of all- the finest ladies.  She had a few thinner ladies for the men that enjoyed that, but mostly her ladies were large and cruvier than the average brothel girls. You see, her cliental had particular “tastes” that usually they could only fulfill at M’straw’s place. 

Abel was a kinky bastard. He like to grab a girl hard and leave her breathless and bruised. He was no stranger to walking out of the house with a bit of blood on his hands. He knew just the lady he wanted and made sure to always have her. 

Jackson was very intelligent, he got off on talking to the girl until they were both ready to pop and then making love with her quietly until they did! He was always so punctual, came to the house every week at the same time. He knew exactly with whom he wished to spend time with and always made sure to have her. 

Charles was a refined gentleman. He lavished his chosen lady in fine silks and pearls. He loved the seductive side of life and made sure that each stroke of his fingertips left trails of goosebumps down his lady’s skin. He loved to say soft romantic into her ear as he slowly slid inside of her body. 

Happy was the fun loving, joyful son of a farmer man. He worked hard and liked to enjoy his time away at the house curled up in the arms of his sukibear. They laughed and played throughout their romps and one would wonder if sometimes they didn’t cum by laughing together. 

One thing that these men had in common,  besides all loving the same whore house, is that late in the evening after they had spent their energies with their chosen ladies they would lay their head down and listen for the sounds of the other men. 

Jackson could hear Happy laughing that deep belly laugh as he quietly made love to his lady. He wondered what it would be like to have so much fun while doing it. 

Charles could hear Abel’s strap slapping down hard on his whore:s ass. He could hear the sounds of groans and whimpers, moans and screams as he looked down at his lovely’s closed eyes and wondered how beautiful they would look tear stained. 

It  was late in the late in the night, all the guys were leaving when Happy caught up with Jackson.  Happy asked Jackson what it was like to be in such a quiet room while he was fucking his whore, if it was as good as it sounded.?

 Jackson was taking back for a moment and then asked Happy, “what do you mean?  I hear you when you’re in there with your whore and you have so much fun.  you laugh, you even make her giggle.”  Happy just looked at him and said, “Yes, but just once I wonder what it would be like to just be quiet and enjoy the moment. What would it be like to just carry on a wonderful conversation. I may be happy-go-lucky farmer man but I read every night and I would love to be able to have an indept conversation with a beautiful woman”. 

Charles was coming out of his whore’s room just as Abel was walking out of his. They looked at each other and nodded as they passed and then Abel turned around and said “Charles, please forgive any intrusion but I just have to ask, is your whore as elegant in bed as she is out? I am sure her glowing soft skin must be a pure treasure to get to touch when you’re pleasing her.” 

 Charles just turned around and looked it with him with a shocked look! “Are you crazy, my good man? You have got a whore that equals no other in giving pleasure while receiving pain, why would you want to even want to know what it would be like to be with a woman who slides her eyes shut and never looks at you the whole night?”  

The men decided then and there that tomorrow night they would switch things up and they would try to lighten up a little bit by going after something new. 

Ma’am just smiled when she heard this and figured she might as well worn her girls what was yet to come their ways. 

To be continued 

Punches 

They come in so many forms and this week had plenty! 

This week started off so damn amazing! I love laughing and giggling over silly things with the boyfriend and then being put on my knees and getting to be his slutty submissive. 

Gods I had the most amazing time. Even got tucked into bed with the sweetest kiss.  Swoon lol lol 

Punch #1 to the brain – editedt- we talked this all the way out and it is done, we are all good. 

B) I can understand the request I can understand where it’s coming from and I do respect that 100%.

Punch #2 to the heart- 8 years, 1 year, and 1 message. We were together- he and I- as man and mistress for over 8 years. We had so much fun and I knew my place, I was never a threat even though I loved him.  Last year she found out and I was dumped off along side of the roadlike an unwanted puppy. I hurt so badly but D and his pet pushed me to work on me, get to know me, start to love me again. Then boyfriend and I went out for coffee, I was smitten right away, fell in love again and faced the one year anniversary of the last time L and I saw each other together by making amazing new memories!!!! God’s I so love making sundaes!!!! 

This week he changed his number and messaged me from the new one. It was like a punch in the tummy. I cried, told bf, answered ex back to say I was not interested, and then he used an old number to tell me he was just checking on me, didn’t want to see me again. That opened up a whole lot of crap in my brain to deal with. 

Punch #3- time for the body now I guess, I got my first ever yeast infection!!!!  I have worked so hard to avoid these cuz my old best friend used to get them and always so sick. I used to think she was just trying to get attention… Nope I was wrong. This is hell.  

I feel like I have been cunt punched and that is on my hard limit list (at least for right now). I would much rather have my ass cheeks punched! 

Thank goodness for science and doctors that know how to use it cuz this medicine rocks and I am start to feel better – but owie. This sucks!!! 

 I can’t wait to feel back to myself.!! And Hummm that light cunt punch might have to be thought about…