Such a touchy subject and one that is touching my family yet again,  but this time closer than just my cousin. 

My cousin had Scarlett fever when she was little, she lived but with a hole in her heart. When she got pregnant, the doctor told her to choose-her life or the baby’s and that is if she was even able to carry to term. She made the best choice possible and now thanks to having that hole repaired, has three beautiful girls. 

I thank the powers that be that that choice was available and legal. I hate to think about all the lifes through history that were lost because it wasn’t. 

This time it isn’t my cousin. This time it is my daughter. She has a loving husband, a great job, a beautiful smart little girl. She has a tiny fetus growing in her that 1) could harm her body (1st baby almost destroyed her back) . 2) that could kill her. 3) that,  even if none of those two happen, they are so not in a place for a second child nor do they want one. 

They used birth control due to all of those facts and I am so proud of their wise thinking. I know some may not agree with their choice and that it ok. Not asking for you to agree, just asking for that shoulder to lean that I hope is still there. 

I worry my little girl is going to hurt, both physically and emotionally and there won’t be anything I can do to help her, besides be there for her to lean on and lately it feels like she doesn’t really need me there for that. She has her hubby now, she doesn’t need her mommy any more, or so how it feels lately. Feels that way alot in my life lately and I don’t know how to make it better. 

So, life changes. Life goes on or it doesn’t, that is just a fact of life as we live it today. 

I just feel so alone today (even tho I know I am loved and wanted in all aspects of my life)  All I want to do is cry today and be held. I really miss being held tight in his arms and being cuddled. And.. I am scared. 

Scared for my child that she even has to face this life changing decision and worried about saying the wrong thing and upsetting her. 

I worry so much about upsetting people and them leaving me that I say nothing and they do. 

But such is life. Time to stop worrying and just keep on living and being there for my child no matter what!!!!