23 in pics!!!

I am feeling better! Time to start walking again!!

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Day 22 – choices have consequences

So I got to work slowly but surely yesterday only to have my boss send me home due to being in so much pain and looking so wiped out.

I wish I could stay home today as well but with that choice comes having to use up my saved up leave time as well as looking bad in front of my new supervisor so I will be there!

For today’s positively, I chose my tummy and the scars on it.

In my belly button, there is the scar from having it pierced as well as that cute smiling face scar that proves my membership into the fixed women’s club. No more worries about baby making for me.

Around my belly button are the stretch marks from carrying two beautiful babies. My most proud scars.

Above that, the scar between the unfinished tattoos, that is the scar that saved my life. It is from my gallbladder being removed. I choose to have it removed the old way and because I did that, I have a humongous scar, but also because I did that, I am alive today. My gall bladder was extremely infected and did indeed burst the moment they removed it.

My tummy is beautifully large, I am working more and more everyday day to mix up my exercises so that my tummy gets tighter and that is slowly happening 🙂

I am proud of the choices I am making today!!!

Eight

So for today’s body part that I like- my legs. Yeah, of course we all wish our legs were skinnier, but you know what, my fucking legs are strong.

I’m just getting back into walking again after having a bout of inflammatory arthritis in both legs and hips.

Sometimes it hurts so bad that I don’t even want to get out of bed but the only thing that makes it better is getting out of bed and walking. There are days I want to scream at my hips to just please stop hurting, when I hold them and I cry, but those days are becoming fewer thank goodness.

I have to say I was amazed at the difference exercise makes in my life and wish I didn’t want to find excuses so easily not to do it.

I’ve always kind of had a very active sex life and I was never one to just lay there and take it however because of the hip pain, that’s what I started doing and I missed being able to give as well as take. (Some times, it just feels so good to lay there and enjoy all the amazing things tho. Lol)

I can also keep up with my grandbaby now and that’s huge for me.

My legs made jiggle and they may wiggle, my thighs are large and they do rub together, but they’re warm and they’re soft and they’re getting stronger.

I won

He and I made a bet. Winner gets to request a reward. I really wanted to win this week, I knew just what I was going to ask for to, but as the week went on, I thought more on my request.

The more I thought about it, the less comfortable I felt requesting it.

At the beginning of the week, it seemed like such a simple request, but as the week went on (and thanks to my wonderful over thinking skills) it became complicated.

What I was going to request isn’t what is important, I have a feeling he already knows and if not, I know he will ask.

The reason behind the request was/is totally self centered and that is not how I to live my life and actually, if I did have to request it-it wouldn’t be worth having because then he is only doing it because I won and requested it, not because he wants to.

If I have learned anything over this past year in this relationship, it is:

1) he is pretty damn intune with me and my quirks of slipping into being insecure and overthinking crap.

2) I don’t own his behaviors and our relationship is ours, no one else’s, just like theirs is theirs.

So why am I journaling this for all to see, because it is my damn journal and I can write what I want, but mostly because I need to get these feelings out and examine the reasons and motives behind them. If those are not coming from a rational place then maybe, just maybe the feelings are irrational emotions and best dealt with on my own.

Do now off to think of a proper request, one deserving of my time to request and just desire to fulfill.

I think I know what I want but…. That could change too.