I wanna…

It has been a long time since I have made love to a woman, sure there have been quick hook-ups to get off and 3-ways with a hot man joining us, but I mean truly made love to a woman, I crave that.

I crave this.

You know, the kind of night where everything is just right. You go out and you all laugh, you giggle, you enjoy the night and, you start to flirt. Slowly at first to just tease the waters, but then she starts to flirt back.

The giggles turn a bit naughtier, the laughs end in sighs, casual touches seem to linger longer on each others arms with your fingertips softly tracing across her skin as you slowly move your hand away.

The night out comes to a close and you drive her home, just to make sure she gets there safely of course. As you walk her up to her door, you crack a joke about how funny this must look- walking her up to her door like a date and she says “if this is a date, would it end here with a kiss?”  before she slowly brings her lips up against yours.

She takes your breath away with that kiss and before you know it you are pulling her closer to you and kissing her deeper. You hear her moan at the same time you feel her body shutter when your hand moves to her hair to pull her in and deepen the kiss.

It is all you can do not to grab her right there and rip that shirt off- but this is new, this isn’t just play, this is something more so you slow down. You take a deep breath and bite her lower lip. She moans in delight and pulls away. As you ask her what is wrong, she just smiles and unlocks the door.

You want her, you want her hands on your skin, her lips on yours, you want her so you slowly softly whisper in her ear that it has been a very long time and she just smiles at you as she pulls you by the hand into her bedroom.

You know the kind of night I am describing don’t you? Just thinking about it is making my panties so very wet.

I want to see her standing there, see that shy but yet brave look on her pretty face as we start to kiss and explore each other’s bodies for the first time. I want to hear her moans as I lay her down on the bed to take her skirt and panties off. I crave hearing the way she would groan as I slid between her legs to trace her pussy lips with my finger nails.

I miss seeing the way a woman shivers as I open up her lips to run my tongue along her clit, down to her sweat wet pussy and then back up to lick that clit a little harder. I get wet thinking about how wonderful it would feel taste her, to feel her body tense up as my fingers start to enter her and my lips wraps around her clit to suck on it gently.

I have to touch myself when I think about this lovely woman arching her back and screaming as she cums, squeezing my fingers tight as she is coating my face with her juices.

hummm, so close to cumming all over my fingers as I think about kissing up her body to those lovely breasts, wrapping my hands around them to hold them up to my mouth so that I can suck on each nipple. Making her squirm and start to beg for more.

I can’t tell you how badly I want to roll over on my side, slide my hand back into her pussy as we start to kiss, as her hand starts to roam down my body until her finger tips find my rock hard clit and starts to stroke it matching my hand on hers.

Oh I want her, I want her to cum with me. I want us to be kissing as she starts to lose the ability to touch me. I want to see her eyes slide shut as I reach into her toy box to grab the dildo, I want to her hear beg as I move between her legs, putting the toy between us and thrusting it deep inside of her as if it was my own living cock.

Grabbing her hair hard, I want to watch as she starts to lose control. My hips forcing my toy cock deeper and deeper inside of her, pounding harder and harder till she tightens up and shudders her cum flowing out of that wonderfully tight pussy and my cum flooding her sheets between her legs as we both cum so hard that our bodies start to float.

I want to lay there in her bed, my body against hers as we try to catch our breaths only to start giggling and kissing again.

Yes, that is what I am craving tonight- how about you?

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Take me…..

Slide your hands in my hair, Kiss me deeply.

Push me down on to the bed and slide down between my legs, push them open with you with your hands and bring your lips down to mine.

Run your tongue up and over my sweet hard little clit, as you start  to slowly work your fingers up into my tight pussy.

Feel me gush as you continue to slowly finger fuck me, biting my clit til I scream and cover your face with my hot sticky sweet cum.

Bring your mouth to mine, kiss me deeply letting me taste myself on your lips as you slide your cock deep inside of this hot wet cunt, making me moan out in delight.

Look into my eyes as you make love to me and tell me I am yours. Bring my body to the point of no return as your balls tighten and your breath comes in gasps.

Wrap your hands around my throat as you bite my lips and call me your whore. Bite my cheek hard, marking me as your bitch while you coat my womb with your cum.

Lay your head down on my chest to catch your breath as your fingertips trace my lips. Hear me giggle as your fingertips move up to trace down my nose to the tip, laughing yourself as you make me breath deeply and feel my body shake in one last climax.

I love laughing with you, I love talking to you, I love sharing you with the ladies you also love because it makes you happy  and that makes me smile, but most of all I love you.

Words for the last two weeks

Angry– for no rhythm or reason, just am. Don’t wanna adult today. I just want to stay in bed. 

 Tired – woke up in the middle of a dream where I was being made love to by handsome boyfriend due to toddler having a nightmare. 3 am is way too early. 

sad – my friend’s grandmother passed away today, she was in her 80’s and got cancer. I feel sad for the pain my friend is feeling and sad because I never had a grandma’s love.  My grandbaby will never ever question my love for her. 

 happy– big happy moments, going for long walks and making it! Being loved and giving love today. So many things 

secure – sure,  we joke around about him leaving me in 6 more months, but I know that just means I have 6 more months to bug the hell out of him and love him!   I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I know that I have a good chance of survival.  

When he wraps his hands around my throat, I know I can trust him to keep me safe. When his teeth are sinking into my skin, I know I am his.  He is ours but I am his submissive slut. 

Loved – I know I’m loved by my family and I know I’m loved by my friends. Deep in my heart that I’m loved by my partner.  it’s the little things that he does that shows me he loves me. He doesn’t always have to say it,  although that feels good too. 

He works so hard to keep things equal and I’m very very happy about that, and the way he says “never the same but always equal”  just really says something to my heart about what Poly should be. 

Sometimes I worry though that I’m too much of a handful with my insecurity issues and little side or that I’m boring, so I just have to remember to be myself

Lonely–  I felt this way a couple times,  I guess it’s normal to just feel like you want to be cuddled up in bed and held.

 Funny, I look at the way my life has changed in the last 6 months and sometimes I wonder if I’m really meant to be what I am right now and I think so. 

 All I know is that I need to start expressing myself more and not be so damn needy sometimes.

Censored – okay,  this is a big one and kind of touchy. When I first started writing this blog I was nervous about what to say and about putting my partner in here because he has his own blog (which is pretty awesome)  and he has a life. 

I was told that he would never censor anything I wanted to say.  I could say whatever I wanted to say here and it was safe. I don’t know if I feel that way, but that is just my feeling right now and I will deal with it cuz that is what I do best 🙂 

Wanted/ Excited /Strong  all those very good feels he and my life gives me every day!!!! 

Hugs and cuddles please. 

Abortion 

Such a touchy subject and one that is touching my family yet again,  but this time closer than just my cousin. 

My cousin had Scarlett fever when she was little, she lived but with a hole in her heart. When she got pregnant, the doctor told her to choose-her life or the baby’s and that is if she was even able to carry to term. She made the best choice possible and now thanks to having that hole repaired, has three beautiful girls. 

I thank the powers that be that that choice was available and legal. I hate to think about all the lifes through history that were lost because it wasn’t. 

This time it isn’t my cousin. This time it is my daughter. She has a loving husband, a great job, a beautiful smart little girl. She has a tiny fetus growing in her that 1) could harm her body (1st baby almost destroyed her back) . 2) that could kill her. 3) that,  even if none of those two happen, they are so not in a place for a second child nor do they want one. 

They used birth control due to all of those facts and I am so proud of their wise thinking. I know some may not agree with their choice and that it ok. Not asking for you to agree, just asking for that shoulder to lean that I hope is still there. 

I worry my little girl is going to hurt, both physically and emotionally and there won’t be anything I can do to help her, besides be there for her to lean on and lately it feels like she doesn’t really need me there for that. She has her hubby now, she doesn’t need her mommy any more, or so how it feels lately. Feels that way alot in my life lately and I don’t know how to make it better. 

So, life changes. Life goes on or it doesn’t, that is just a fact of life as we live it today. 

I just feel so alone today (even tho I know I am loved and wanted in all aspects of my life)  All I want to do is cry today and be held. I really miss being held tight in his arms and being cuddled. And.. I am scared. 

Scared for my child that she even has to face this life changing decision and worried about saying the wrong thing and upsetting her. 

I worry so much about upsetting people and them leaving me that I say nothing and they do. 

But such is life. Time to stop worrying and just keep on living and being there for my child no matter what!!!!