The last few days I have been so proud of the marks my Maestre left on my body, it wasn’t until today that I realized I didn’t have something to be proud of, that I was mistaken.
That was a punishment, these are marks from a punishment that did not leave him proud of me.
Yes, it was done out of love but they were not left with pride and knowing that hurts worse than the punishment itself, and God that hurt. This is the guidance I have been seeking and now that I have it, I want to learn from it as much as I can, but I also want him to be proud of his submissive and I want to be proud of me.
I do not know why I dislike my body as much as I do. I keep thinking if I was just smaller, but in reality I would still have older saggier tits because that is the way my body is. Sure, I can exercise and tighten my body up some, but this is me.
But I do not want to dishoner my Maestre’s choices and he really does seem to enjoy this body. That is a good thing.
I need to stop using other peoples approval of my body or approval of me, make or break my day or faith that I am so worthy of many great things.
I apologize Maestre for deserving that many swats, and for letting myself doubt take me to a place where I need to see these punishment marks everyday to remind me that I really am worthy of feeling pride and worthy of his pride in my submission and in me as a person.
Thank you everyone for sticking with me on this journey of self discovery and self love.
I will never lie to him and tell him I am proud of a certain body part on me, so I had better step the hell up and work on loving that body part so that when he does ask, I don’t have to hymn and haaa my way out of the question but can answer with pride.