Words for the last two weeks

Angry– for no rhythm or reason, just am. Don’t wanna adult today. I just want to stay in bed. 

 Tired – woke up in the middle of a dream where I was being made love to by handsome boyfriend due to toddler having a nightmare. 3 am is way too early. 

sad – my friend’s grandmother passed away today, she was in her 80’s and got cancer. I feel sad for the pain my friend is feeling and sad because I never had a grandma’s love.  My grandbaby will never ever question my love for her. 

 happy– big happy moments, going for long walks and making it! Being loved and giving love today. So many things 

secure – sure,  we joke around about him leaving me in 6 more months, but I know that just means I have 6 more months to bug the hell out of him and love him!   I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I know that I have a good chance of survival.  

When he wraps his hands around my throat, I know I can trust him to keep me safe. When his teeth are sinking into my skin, I know I am his.  He is ours but I am his submissive slut. 

Loved – I know I’m loved by my family and I know I’m loved by my friends. Deep in my heart that I’m loved by my partner.  it’s the little things that he does that shows me he loves me. He doesn’t always have to say it,  although that feels good too. 

He works so hard to keep things equal and I’m very very happy about that, and the way he says “never the same but always equal”  just really says something to my heart about what Poly should be. 

Sometimes I worry though that I’m too much of a handful with my insecurity issues and little side or that I’m boring, so I just have to remember to be myself

Lonely–  I felt this way a couple times,  I guess it’s normal to just feel like you want to be cuddled up in bed and held.

 Funny, I look at the way my life has changed in the last 6 months and sometimes I wonder if I’m really meant to be what I am right now and I think so. 

 All I know is that I need to start expressing myself more and not be so damn needy sometimes.

Censored – okay,  this is a big one and kind of touchy. When I first started writing this blog I was nervous about what to say and about putting my partner in here because he has his own blog (which is pretty awesome)  and he has a life. 

I was told that he would never censor anything I wanted to say.  I could say whatever I wanted to say here and it was safe. I don’t know if I feel that way, but that is just my feeling right now and I will deal with it cuz that is what I do best 🙂 

Wanted/ Excited /Strong  all those very good feels he and my life gives me every day!!!! 

Hugs and cuddles please. 

 Words

“my bitch”- I had no idea how hot those words were till you whispered them in my ear, your hand around my throat, your cock deep in my sweet ass.

“my whore”- I did not know these words would make me scream in delight until I heard them while you pounded your hard cock deep inside my wet pussy.

“my cunt”- I didn’t know I would crave such words until you shovedyour rock solid cock deep down my tight throat.

” Mine!”  words to end all words said when you cover my pretty face with your cum, marking me as yours. 

“I love you too, Maestre “- words quietly shouted while being wrapped in your
strong arms and held till I come back to earth. 

3

Funny how life changes isn’t it? 

As I lay in this bed I can’t help but think about last night and how I wish I had been in a different bed. 

Went over to see my Daddy and his lady, a month ago this would have been a dream come true. We had dinner and watched a movie.

 She and I tucked him into bed and all three cuddled up together. It was such a pretty picture, I am sure. She with short brown hair laying in black panties and I with longer darker hair laying there in white – most men’s wet dream for sure. 

As they kissed, I curled closer to his side and ran my nails down his chest to thigh and then back up to stroke his balls. She worked her way down his chest to slide his soft cock into her mouth and he threw his head back in pleasure. 

This man has a very hard time cumming, but when I ran my nail down under his balls to press hard against the bottom of them, he started moaning and rising up to fuck her mouth. In my mind D, I was somewhere else, with someone else, I was the one going to church to worship the cock I crave. 

I sucked his nipple matching  her movements as she sucked his cock and then leaned up to his ear to talk to him. I love words, words have power and when they are said with the right tone, the the right amount of passion, they can set the mind on fire with pleasure. 

I told him how fucking hot it was to watch that fucking slut suck his cock like a starving greedy whore. 

Told him I wanted to watch him fuck that sweet mouth like a he would a tight wet cunt so I could lick every drop of his hot cum out of it.

 As I described how I would slide my wicked little tongue in the folds of her sweet cunt to hear her scream as I licked and sucked all of his cum out of her fucking pussy,  he let out a groan that quickly became a scream and he flooded her mouth with gush after gush of hot cum. 

I wish she would have shared his cum with me, but maybe that is what I needed to see to know that I truly did belong somewhere else. 

They are a couple and I was a toy, not that that is a bad thing to be but I want to be more. I am more. 

So in the famous words from Buffy, where do we go from here? I know for me, I know where I belong now and who I want to belong to. 

I don’t know if I am meant to be a mono part in this poly relationship or if someday I will join our handsome man in being fully poly, but right now- I just want to be pleasing him.